The Dark Side of Swinging: Unveiling the Emotional Toll and Relationship Trauma

Although the practice of ‘swinging’ is portrayed as hip and cool, the reality is often very different. What was once labeled as ‘wife swapping’ or ‘open marriage’ has been given the title of swinging in order to have more mass appeal.

I cannot speak for all swingers, but only those I have worked with. I have seen the brokenness that swinging produces and the damage it leaves in its wake.

Many wives are caught up in swinging at the insistence of their spouses. They initially go along with the idea since they want their husbands to be happy. There are even sites that tell husbands how to talk their wives into swinging.

First, swingers have to find a way into the ‘network.’ In each city with a swinging network, there are prescribed places to meet that have been pre-selected.

One must be ‘in the know’ to be aware of which club they must attend that evening. The clubs often charge a fee, with a required number of drinks for the couple.

Initially, there is either fear of the unknown or the excitement of dressing up and going somewhere filled with activity. There is something about when you put on formal clothes, meet new people, and go to exotic places that is exciting and stimulating.

Children are often sent off for the weekend to avoid embarrassing moments associated with being found out.

Once at the pre-selected club, the couples mingle, drink, and dance. After a few hours, the alcohol kicks in, and then it is time for a ‘get-together’ at someone’s home, retreat, or boat. The locations are often exclusive, adding a sense of unreality and fantasy to what is going on.

When the lifestyle begins, there is plenty of excitement about doing something different and dangerous. Once the couple becomes immune to the danger and conscience, the excitement of dress-up and the drama associated with human relationships often takes over to keep the adrenaline pumping.

The spouse engages in activities that they may find distasteful only because it pleases their spouse. In this mix of people, emotion, and alcohol, the feelings of arousal and pleasing the spouse are often confused.

The result is a lifestyle full of secrets, guilt, shame, and remorse. Yes, there was excitement, although there are often more memories of things they wish to forget. There is the anxiety of running into someone from ‘the club’. You do not want others to find out, yet are stimulated when you encounter someone else from the ‘club’ or ‘lifestyle’.

There is the possibility of someone finding out who they do not wish to find out. What if your parents, children, or grandparents find out? What if you run into your child’s teacher, principal, or coach? Suddenly, how you see the world changes in ways you never imagined.

It becomes another world with its own set of rules and control over the people. It becomes a world that owns the couple rather than them owning their own world. The glamor is deceiving. It tricks people into a lifestyle that will forever change them and their conscience. It’s a glossy way to hide sexual addictions and affairs and try to make them acceptable.

Much like the photoshopped images of porn stars, the glamor of the swinger lifestyle has been doctored and made to look better than it is.

When the parties are over, the couple are often left with the reality that the swinging was nothing more than affairs and orgies on a grand scale.

If you’re struggling with the effects of swinging, you may be experiencing relationship trauma. These symptoms include using drugs or alcohol in increasing amounts, depressed moods, low energy, restlessness, anxiety, sleep problems, stomach problems, and lowered resistance to illnesses.

Rather than suffer through the relationship trauma, there’s help. You don’t have to get drunk or take pills or medications to numb yourself out and keep symptoms under control.

When you’ve been traumatized, there are reasons for you not being able to get over it and bounce back. Discover the tools, exercises, and techniques you need to understand and move past what has happened to you.

Overcoming Relationship Trauma for Swingers provides support designed to help you move past what happened, including overcoming the trauma and ways of reducing the risk of relapse.

Best Regards,

Jeff