How Trauma Influences Your Perception of Infidelity and Healing

Have you ever thought something was silly or stupid only to change your mind after trying it out? That happened to me when I encountered HD lenses. I thought the idea of multiple lenses was a gimmick. I thought the whole HD lens was hype and just another way to sell sunglasses. I believed it up until I tried some.

On putting them on, the clarity and crispness surprised me. I had to take them off and put them on again to make sure of the experience. I tried the HD lenses on a motorcycle as well as in my car. The view was clean and clear no matter what the environment.

I was upsold on the whole idea of HD lenses, but I now believe they are something that everyone should be using. They enhance your vision to see more, which is why I prefer them over regular non-HD lenses.

The sunglasses did make a difference in how I viewed things. The experience changed my judgment about HD sunglasses. It reduced glare and made objects clearer and more distinct. The lens you use in looking at the world changes what you notice. Items that were overlooked or ignored before now stand out with new clarity.

similarly, when you view the affair through the lens of a trauma survivor, you'll see things differently than others do. You notice things others don't. You see dangers and threats missed by other people. You may even find yourself giving advice that others think is silly, but it will always come from compassion and understanding the view of a trauma survivor.    

It may have been a childhood trauma or abandonment episode. When it comes to trauma, there is no expiration date. You can re-experience symptoms from a trauma from last week, ten years ago or even fifty years ago.

At that moment, intense feelings and thoughts suddenly surround and engulf you. Such episodes can be triggered by a person, place, smell or sound. You may feel like you're back in the trauma all over again.

That's why it's important to have compassion and understanding for those who have experienced trauma. Their reactions and behaviors may seem irrational or silly to others, but they are rooted in deep-seated emotions and fears.

It's also important for those who have experienced trauma to seek support and therapy to work through their feelings and learn healthy coping mechanisms. HD lenses help us see more clearly, but therapy helps us process our past experiences and navigate our present reality.

I recall one woman I worked with who suddenly broke down in her bathroom when recollection of an early life trauma experience suddenly hit her. The sensations were so vivid, that she thought she was reliving that episode from her childhood.

It left her crumpled on her bathroom floor whimpering in fear. That episode changed how she viewed men, sex, and herself. In a flash, all her self-confidence and esteem melted away.

The confident 30-ish woman filled with potential and talent was transformed into a weeping mess in a few moments. Incidents she thought were behind her suddenly surprised her with intense reactions.

You may be in a situation where you feel threatened and people around you don't see it that way at all. As the saying goes: "A man looks at things through the lens of his own particular brand of insanity." It becomes difficult for others to understand. If it happened to you, it changes how you look at the world.

The lens of trauma also distorts what happened and what you see. What happened to you before is affecting how you view the affair today.

Your spouse may think you're being unreasonable or not being adult about the situation. The truth is, you're being very reasonable given what you've been through. When they don't understand what you've been through, they won't get how you're dealing with it.

Although the trauma happened years ago, it's still exerting its influence on you, your emotions and your thinking. If you've never discussed this with your spouse, now is a great time.

In the video "Overcoming Affair Trauma," I share with you ways of getting past the scars of that trauma. It will also help you put into words the challenges you've faced. This is a way of opening up conversations about trauma and the impact of its effects on your marriage.

Start moving past the trauma and change how you look at the world.