When Your Husband Wants You to Sleep With Another Woman

When your husband wants you to sleep with another woman, you’ve got problems. This request puts you in a moral dilemma if you are not naturally attracted to women. Should you do ‘whatever’ to please your husband or stand by your moral convictions? If you feel that sleeping with another woman isn’t something you’re comfortable with, what do you do?

You should not have to consider or deal with that dilemma. It messes with your head, your heart, and your marriage. When your husband takes you beyond your sexual comfort zone by violating the exclusivity boundaries of your marriage, there is reason for caution.

The Fantasies and Realities

Some men have fantasies that they can service more than one woman. Your husband may be one of those men with such fantasies. With artificial stimulants, your husband may be able to perform inhuman tasks. Although they can physically perform like Superman, that does not ease the guilt, shame, and emotional consequences of such actions.

Sleeping with another woman is adulterous. The cheater may call it being adventurous, expanding your sexual horizons, part of your sexual education, or some other label. The bottom line is that the ménage à trois is nothing more than another form of an affair.

It may turn him on, but that will not do much to reduce your guilt and shame. The cheaters that encourage such behavior may not fully comprehend the mental and emotional bind it puts you in when they request this of you. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself taking Xanax, anti-anxiety medications, or tranquilizers to cope with the guilt and shame. Although the drugs temporarily override your conscience, eventually, the consequences catch up. Your body knows and remembers. You may not remember everyone you’ve slept with, but your body does.

Emotional and Psychological Consequences

If they are aware of those binds, then you have a huge problem in terms of how sexual activity and stimulation have totally replaced love and compassion. Some of you may consider sleeping with another woman ‘not quite adultery’ since there is no coitus. You’re fooling yourself. The intense feelings and the biochemical activity associated with it create emotional bonds. Bonding occurs with same-sex experiences as well as opposite-sex relationships.

You are setting yourself up for some unnatural bonding experiences and emotional confusion that will plague you for years to come. Even if you get drunk enough or ingest enough drugs to numb you out so that you can ‘silence’ your conscience, eventually the emotional baggage from what happened will catch up with you. In the event that your husband does not use it against you, there will still be a feeling of being ‘defiled’ and ‘dirty’ that lingers long after what happened.

The Need for Help

When such requests are made, it is a sign that your marriage needs help. The kind of help it needs does not include sleeping with another woman as the solution. The saying “The problem is not the problem, the problem is the solution” applies here. The solution of another woman is going to create more issues than it solves.

If you find yourself struggling with these issues, you’ll want the video “Overcoming Relationship Trauma for Swingers” to help you through it. The swinger lifestyle has unique needs and experiences not everyone understands. Those experiences require special help.

More Than Physical

The ramifications of engaging in such acts go beyond physical and emotional bonding. It can fundamentally alter the dynamics of your relationship. Trust, which is the bedrock of any marriage, can be severely compromised. The request itself might make you question your husband’s values and respect for the sanctity of your marriage.

Being asked to engage in such behavior might indicate deeper issues within your relationship. Your husband's fantasies might be a symptom of larger communication or intimacy problems that need to be addressed. Ignoring these signs or complying without genuine agreement can lead to long-term resentment and damage to your self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

Societal and Personal Implications

Beyond personal consequences, there are societal implications. Marriages don’t exist in a vacuum; they are part of a larger social framework. Your actions within your marriage can have ripple effects on your social circle, family dynamics, and even your children’s perception of relationships.

Considering these wider implications is crucial. Maintaining boundaries not only protects your mental and emotional well-being but also upholds the values and stability of the relationships around you.

Practical Steps

If you’re faced with this situation, consider these practical steps:

1. Communicate Openly: Have an honest conversation with your husband about your discomfort and the reasons behind it.
2. Seek Counseling: Professional help can provide a neutral ground for both of you to express your feelings and work through underlying issues.
3. Set Boundaries: Clearly define what is acceptable in your relationship and what is not. Mutual respect and understanding are key.
4. Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your values, needs, and boundaries. Ensure that any decision you make aligns with your personal integrity and well-being.

Conclusion

When your husband asks you to sleep with another woman, it signifies deeper issues within the marriage that need addressing. Such requests disrupt the moral and emotional equilibrium of the relationship, leading to guilt, shame, and a sense of betrayal. It's essential to recognize these problems and seek appropriate help. Instead of succumbing to such requests, it's crucial to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being and take steps to address the underlying issues in your marriage.

Reflection Questions

1. How do you feel about your husband’s request, and what emotions does it evoke in you?
2. What are your personal boundaries, and how do you plan to communicate them to your spouse?
3. How do you think this request has impacted your trust and intimacy within the marriage?
4. What steps can you take to address the underlying issues in your marriage that led to this request?
5. How can you seek support and guidance to navigate this challenging situation?

Keeping It Real,

Jeff