The Link Between Suicide and Infidelity

Some questions about affairs are unpleasant. Although part of me doesn’t enjoy discussing these topics, I know it’s necessary. One of those unpleasant questions is, “Does infidelity lead to suicide?” Suicide is one of those topics that makes my stomach churn.

I also know that such questions need straightforward answers. You need clear answers, even to the unpleasant ones. Although I can’t say that infidelity directly causes suicide, I can say there’s definitely a connection between infidelity and suicidal ideation. In fact, from my survey of couples experiencing infidelity, I found that infidelity was a significant factor in suicidal thoughts. In my opinion, it’s not a coincidence that affairs are often followed by suicide or thoughts about suicide. Although 33% of those participating in my survey indicated that they experienced suicidal thoughts related to cheating, I think the true number is higher. Shame and embarrassment make honest discussion of the topic challenging. People are reluctant to be honest about what they feel and think.

The Impact of Infidelity on Mental Health

People experiencing infidelity and thoughts of suicide need help. They need someone to talk to, someone they can trust to listen and understand their pain. Finding a therapist or counselor can be helpful if this is your situation. Counselors offer support, empathy, guidance, validation, and other tools for coping with the emotional turmoil, shame, and guilt that come with cheating.

If you can’t find a counselor, at least give them the number to the suicide hotline. It may not solve all their problems, but it can save their life. Dial or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

The root of suicidal ideation may partly be because people feel shame and guilt after an affair is discovered. As someone who has experienced both sides, I know that each side carries its own shame and burdens, whether you are the cheater or the betrayed. Some cheaters feel shame and guilt for hurting their partner, deceiving them, or breaking up their family, whether they admit it or not. The pain remains even when it’s not talked about. Spouses of cheating partners also experience infidelity as a betrayal of trust, which is painful to endure. You want someone to blame and put the pain on rather than carrying it yourself.

The Toxic Mix of Emotions

When suicidal thinking is present in either the betrayed or the cheater, there’s a toxic mixture of guilt, blame, pain, and the desire to run away from it all. I also know from the survey that you can make it past those dark thoughts. The place to start removing those dark thoughts is with forgiveness. Keep in mind that it’s not about letting the cheater off the hook; the kind of forgiveness I’m talking about concerns you knowing effective ways of releasing the painful emotions and thoughts.

The video “Forgiveness: Stop Pain, Tear Down the Walls, and Remove the Roadblocks” guides you through that kind of forgiveness. Knowing an effective way of removing the pain gets you started. As more pain comes along, you can once again use the techniques you’ve learned so that you don’t have to carry it around. Get your copy today, and your journey past the pain starts within minutes. You can feel safe again and reduce the pain.

UPDATE: Research Findings

Since I initially wrote this article, I did some further research to see what the studies found. Several fascinating things came out. One article had some interesting findings. First, the research sample was small (54 respondents), meaning the findings apply to a limited population (Southwestern US, college-aged). They found some correlation between suicide and infidelity. Although the connection is not as strong as some other emotional reactions, it does exist. They also found that this connection is stronger for men than for women.

Research shows that divorced men are three times more likely to commit suicide than married men. This is concerning given that infidelity was found to be a factor in 29% of divorces in a 2007 study. Since the ‘official’ reasons for divorce do not always list infidelity, even if it is known, the number may be higher. Think about what that means. About 1/3 of divorces are due to affairs. Since affairs put a person at risk for suicide, and that risk increases threefold with a divorce, there is reason for concern.

The numbers get more complex when you consider that women are more likely to attempt suicide than men, yet men are more successful when they attempt it. The study also found many other emotional reactions to infidelity, which would take several days' worth of posts to cover. This time, I was looking deeper into the direct connection between infidelity and suicide.

Conclusion

There is a connection between infidelity and suicide, albeit the connection is weaker than other emotional reactions to infidelity. Even a small connection between the two is a cause for concern. More research needs to be done to understand this connection.

Note: All research needs to be considered with a grain of salt and evaluated in context. Researchers often use different definitions of what they are researching, especially with infidelity and defining what ‘is’ infidelity for official purposes. The connection between affairs and suicide is an area that needs more research with more populations in more countries before we know the real story. Even then, as people's emotional makeup changes and attitudes change, what is true for one generation may change. It’s not that morals change; what changes is the strength of reactions to things and how people deal with change in their lives.

That said, if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please get support. Again, call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Best Regards,
Jeff