What mental illnesses cause cheating?

A reader posed the question, “What mental illnesses cause cheating?” This isn’t an easy question with clear answers. Several mental illnesses are associated with behaviors that can lead to cheating. However, just because someone has a mental illness doesn’t mean they’ll cheat, and not all cheating is due to mental illness. Although you want to find a cause-and-effect link behind cheating, those links aren’t that clear. Mental illnesses set the stage for problems, yet the cheater still makes choices.

With mental illness, either their emotional or mental self-control is lacking. In some cases, their reasoning ability is impaired. Either way, they end up acting impulsively or losing control of themselves.

Besides mental illnesses, there are also cases of cheating involving brain damage. These can occur with brain traumas and situations where brain function has been altered. Depending on the section of the brain involved, issues may arise that result in affairs.

You’ve seen it before—a spouse cheats and claims there is no explanation for their actions. But what if brain damage is the true cause? With cases of trauma or changes in cognitive function, people are more likely to cheat on their partners.

The most common type of injury involving the brain leads to some pretty devastating effects when it comes to affairs: traumatic brain injuries (TBI). Depending on where the TBI occurs within the cranium, this could lead to dark paths like infidelity because impairments may arise from these types of accidents, such as short-term memory loss. So don’t be too quick to jump to conclusions about how someone’s behavior was influenced by something more than just mental illness!

They may lose their inhibitions or ability to control impulses due to brain injury rather than mental illness.

Although it’s more convenient to blame mental illness, brain damage, or even a family history of cheating, the role played by volitional choices must also be considered. Each of these areas influences the possibility of cheating.

Many disorders, situations, and conditions have been found to be associated with the risk of affairs. I’ll share an overview with you based on my experiences working with couples and individuals.

I’ve observed that substance abuse issues, bipolar depression, and attention deficit disorders all share problems with self-control. When a cheater has trouble with self-control, or inadequate self-control, there’s a risk of affairs. For them, delaying gratification or saying “No” is not their strong point.

A close cousin of substance abuse is addiction. Keep in mind that one study found addictions involved in 70% of affairs.

Fear is often the culprit behind sexual addictions. When you’re raised surrounded by fears, the addict looks for ways to keep their brain stimulated. Being raised around fears, their brain is used to being in high gear, whether it’s healthy, safe, or unsafe.

In cases of addiction, their brain is accustomed to the stimulation provided by fear, and sex is one way of providing that stimulation. Sex stimulates the brain in a major way. The more dangerous the sex, the greater the stimulation. The addicted brain craves that high stimulation.

When the addictive personality uses sex, the more dangerous the affair or the lover, the more they’re stimulated, and the more their sick brain feels ‘normal.’

In some cases, the person engages in sexual behavior they wouldn’t otherwise participate in. Poor self-control takes over their lives in a major way. This is how ‘love addicts’ find themselves caught up in affairs they never intended to. They went for the love and were caught up in the sex.

They don’t consider the consequences of their actions, only the immediate gratification of urges and drives. They only want the activation of as much of their brain as possible. They want their brain switched into the ‘on’ mode.

There are also mental illnesses such as narcissistic and borderline personality disorders where individuals are so self-centered and dysfunctional in their interpersonal relationships that the risk for affairs is high.

In these situations, they have trouble developing any kind of healthy relationship combined with an intense neediness, making the risk of affairs high.

There are also issues associated with sexual abuse. Many victims of sexual abuse have traumatic scars. Not every person who has been sexually abused is at risk for affairs, although some victims have a potential for being at risk.

When sexual abuse has any connection with multiple personality disorder, the risk of affairs is present.

As distasteful as it is, some people have been ‘groomed’ to be sexual objects, whether it be through training, traumatic incidents, or organized indoctrination. This population is at high risk for affairs.

In some cases, the traumas were used to make them more vulnerable to affairs. Like a ‘Bourne Identity‘ scenario, where instead of being trained to be an assassin, they were trained to be sexual objects.

As unsavory as it is, there are exploiters who use sexual trauma to weaken resistance to further sexual acting out. They find those with weaknesses in this area and exploit them.

Bear in mind that when chemicals such as Viagra or Rohypnol are introduced into any of these situations, it aggravates an already unstable situation. Chemicals can change behavior and thinking over time. Drugs and alcohol can also make a shaky situation worse than it was.

When chemicals like Viagra or Rohypnol are combined with drugs/alcohol, they make any situation worse. Chemicals change the amount of conscious volitional control a person has.

The above examples give you a place to start. As you see, there is a link between some mental illnesses/conditions and affairs, yet that link is not a simple cause-and-effect relationship. If it were, they could be given an affair prevention pill. Such an intervention doesn’t exist.

You can reduce the risk by being aware of these situations. Mental illness or past sexual abuse doesn’t mean you’ll be a cheater. It does mean that you and your spouse have vulnerabilities that need to be discussed. It means that you have some blind spots or weak areas that need to be protected.

Whatever the cause of the affair, you’ll need help with your own healing. The video “Getting Past the Affair Crisis” will move you through the initial shock and devastation.

Best Regards,

Jeff