The Consequences of Sharing Your Wife

A curious reader wrote in wanting to know what the consequences of sharing your wife are. For someone to even consider such a question is filled with all kinds of confused and twisted thinking. One’s wife is not a possession to be shared. Treating a wife as if she’s a possession is filled with problems.

I recognize that this way of thinking continues in some communities, so it’s not an imaginary scenario. I’ve also worked with couples where a wife was shared as payment for illicit dealings. Those situations didn’t turn out well.

Weakening the Marital Bond

The first consequence is a weakening and cheapening of the bond between you and your spouse. The special relationship you had changed when sharing your wife. That bonding is on several levels. The damage to the bonding starts immediately, although you may not feel its effects for a while. The damage is also something that can’t be undone.

When the bond is weakened, it creates a sense of detachment and emotional distance. This detachment can erode the foundation of the marriage, leading to a lack of intimacy and connection. Over time, this can result in feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction within the marriage.

Spreading Insecurities

Second, sharing your wife also spreads insecurities. Your marriage loses any sense of security it once held. When relationships are insecure, fear drives an increasing number of decisions. Fear is a powerful emotion and interferes with thinking and decision-making. Fear also makes both of you more vulnerable to being exploited. It puts you in a world filled with secrets and manipulation.

This fear can manifest in various ways, such as constant anxiety about the future of the marriage, doubts about each other's loyalty, and an overarching sense of mistrust. Living in a state of constant insecurity can take a toll on both partners' mental and emotional well-being.

Damaging Self-Confidence

Third, it damages self-confidence. Although they may appear confident on the outside, they are filled with doubts and insecurities on the inside. This lack of confidence can affect various aspects of life, including work performance, social interactions, and overall self-worth.

The feeling of being devalued or used can lead to deep emotional scars. These scars can manifest as depression, anxiety, and a host of other mental health issues. The person who is shared may struggle with feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness, impacting their ability to form healthy relationships in the future.

Healing the Consequences

A better question would have been whether the consequences of sharing your wife can be healed and how to do that. There are consequences, and healing them is possible. A good place to start is with the video “Overcoming Affair Trauma for Swingers.” It provides methods and tools for moving past the trauma that comes with sharing your wife.

Steps to Healing

1. Acknowledgment and Acceptance: The first step towards healing is acknowledging the pain and trauma caused by the experience. Both partners need to accept what happened and understand its impact on their relationship.
2. Open Communication: Honest and open communication is essential. Both partners should feel safe to express their feelings and thoughts without fear of judgment or retaliation.
3. Seek Professional Help: Therapy or counseling can provide a safe space to explore the underlying issues and work through the trauma. A professional can offer guidance and tools to help both partners heal.
4. Rebuilding Trust: Rebuilding trust takes time and effort. Both partners need to commit to being transparent, reliable, and supportive as they work towards rebuilding their relationship.
5. Self-Care and Support: Taking care of one's mental and emotional health is crucial. This may involve engaging in activities that bring joy, seeking support from friends and family, and practicing self-compassion.

Conclusion

The images, sensations and self-inflicted damage can be overcome with effort. The video shows you what you can do to put those things behind you. Healing is possible, but it requires commitment and effort from both partners. By taking the necessary steps, you can move past the trauma and rebuild a stronger, healthier relationship.

Reflection Questions:

1. How do you feel about the concept of sharing a spouse? What emotions and thoughts does it bring up for you?
2. Have you or someone you know experienced a situation where a spouse was shared? How did it impact the relationship?
3. What steps can you take to ensure open and honest communication in your relationship, especially when dealing with sensitive issues?
4. How can you and your partner work together to rebuild trust and strengthen your bond after a traumatic experience?
5. What self-care practices can you incorporate into your routine to support your mental and emotional well-being during the healing process?

Keeping It Real,

Jeff