The term ‘marriage equality’ is one of those buzz terms now in common use. If you are serious about preserving your marriage, you will have to see through the myth of ‘marriage equality’. In my mind, there is no such thing as marriage equality. If you happen to embrace the idea, you are asking for trouble in your own marriage. Marriage equality means that a cheater can do whatever they want with whoever they want and you have to be “OK” with it. It dictates that all relationships, whether through matrimony and otherwise are equal and equally valid. That means that the lover has an equal claim to your spouse as you do. It means that there is no longer ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, ‘good’ or ‘bad’. What is acceptable is what feels good at the moment.
You can not have a marriage and allow each spouse to do what feels good at the moment and assume that you have a marriage relationship. With marriage equality, you do not have a marriage, you do not even have a ‘special relationship’. All relationships the cheater has, whether it be with hookers, adulterers, adulteresses and so forth are equally valid. They all have ‘equal’ claim to your spouse along with their finances, time and pleasure.
For your marriage to work, there has to be some self-restraint. There are limits to what can and can not be done. There are behaviors that are right and some that are wrong. You may not like facing that reality, but that is part of what is necessary for marriage. A mature person voluntarily enters the marriage, willingly assuming those responsibilities, promising to restrain themselves for a unique relationship with you.
Embracing the idea of marriage equality, even just to be ‘popular’ is akin to a blank cheque given to the cheater to indulge their sensations without consequences. You are giving them permission to do what they want with who they want along with surrendering any recourse. It amounts to a concubinage where the cheater selects whatever flavor of the day pleases them and you can not say anything about it since you gave them permission to do so by embracing marriage equality.
You have to realize that ‘marriage’ is a relationship which involves self-restraint, commitment, love, loyalty and maturity. It means that you embrace a willingness to do what is right and avoid doing what is wrong. Nothing about marriage is fair or equal. The relationship you have with your spouse means they receive special treatment and that you are entitled to special treatment. Marriage vows talk about putting your spouse above all others.
“Equality” is a relationship where all things are equal. No one receives special treatment or has elevated status. No one can make special claims. No one is more secure than anyone else. There are no special claims or promises. No one’s needs take precedents over any one else’s.
The attempt at combining “marriage” and “equality” as one term is logically absurd. The meanings of each term cancel out the other. Marriage equality may be a fun term to talk about at the office or post about on facebook. You need to realize that marriage and equality do not mix. They cancel each other out.
So before you talk about ‘marriage equality’ or your views on the subject, remember that in endorsing ‘marriage equality’ you are opening a door that has many hurts behind it. You are exposing your marriage to dangers.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
