The mindset of someone wanting an affair or in the middle of an affair is very trance-like. While in that state of mind, they are not processing information correctly, they are not thinking straight. It reminds me of the mindset when an addict is “jones-ing” or “seeking the drug”. They affair seeker is looking for reasons and excuses to justify their actions. While in this mindset anything will serve as a reason for an affair. When your spouse is in this mindset, it is important to not give them even tacit approval of an affair. Although you may be frustrated and want to say “Just go see who will have you!”, those kind of comments will end up being seen as giving ‘permission’ to the affair seeking spouse. This is not the time for sarcastic comments or jokes about affairs. They will be taken out of context. You will have to filter what you say so that it expresses your thoughts and can not be misconstrued. In other words you have to consider not only your expression, but how your spouse might interpret your comment as well.
I am considering doing a series of posts on the ‘mindset of an infidel’ in the coming weeks. I believe these will help the resolute spouse understand and make it through the survival stage.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
