In the aftermath of affairs where there has been physical abuse, there’s a strange phenomena related to denial. Recall that the job of ‘denial’ is distorting events and recollections.
This phenomena concerns how spouses on realizing the existence of an affair see very clearly the pattern of wrongs and how things have been twisted around.Once you become aware of the affair, it changes how you see things. It also changes what you see.
Your mind also changes ‘when’ events occurred. Rather than giving you accurate information, it gives you facts that support what you believe.
Since as humans no one wants to think that someone who once loved them could reject them. It’s hard to conceive they did it.Your mind will initially fight against admitting the affair.
Since it’s so hard to believe, your mind starts distorting events and your recollection of them. As more time goes by, the mind works toward minimizing what happened regarding the affair and what all was involved.
Some things you may not remember, while others you only remember parts of.
This distorting occurs naturally. The distortion is particularly strong when the situation was abusive or involving humiliating sexual activity.
In the event that your spouse has physically abused you, the time to take action is immediately. In such situations, the longer one waits, the greater the likelihood of distortion.
The distortion attempts minimizing or downplaying what occurred. Your mind initially wants to see it as ‘no big deal’.
Although this phenomena occurs more in traumatic situations, it also occurs in non-violent affair situations. For that reason, it will be important to write down your recollections, rather than trust them to memory.
This will help you accurately recall the issues needing attention.
If the distortion is bad and you need additional help, the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma” guides you in dealing with this and other phenomena that happen with affairs and the shock they bring into your life.
Best Regards,
Jeff
