Not all stalkers are the same. Some are benign, with their impact being mainly as a nuisance and a time waster than anything else. These stalkers mainly gather information and want to learn about their target. When one spouse suspects another of an affair, they often go into this mode. When seeking information, they view websites, telephones, cars, wallets, bills, etc. It is amazing how when this behavior is conducted by the spouses, it is stalking, when it is done by lawyers, it is called ‘discovery’. One is viewed as ‘dangerous’ behavior, the other has the full legal sanction of the courts. Both amount to unwanted snooping and prying into other people’s business.
Some stalkers are malicious. When stalkers follow their victim with the mindset that ‘they are unworthy”, there is potential trouble. The thinking of unworthiness can transform into desires for revenge. Since affairs often arouse STRONG emotional reactions, there is always a high risk of revenge behaviors occurring. When people are aroused emotionally, they do not always think. They often lash out in their reactions. When those lashing out behaviors are combined with stalking, there is the potential for damage to property, person or reputation. When revenge occurs, the person who was damaged is not always the person who the stalker was mad at. In some cases, they are a scape goat used to inflict fear or for an example of what the stalker may do in the future.
Stalkers often attempt to inflict fear at the deep emotional levels which they have felt. Being that affairs stir up deep feelings, the reaction is often also deep. Lovers and spouses do not like being spurned. Some infidels want to dominate and control their target. Some spouses want to dominate and control the spouse they fear is pulling away from them. The pain of betrayal is deep and the reaction to such betrayal is also deep. Although some lovers approach affairs with a lego mentality where people can be joined or pulled apart and reconfigured at will, the reality is that relationships are not interchangeable. When such changes are made, there are unseen ramifications. One of these is the potential of arousing the stalker inside of others or themselves.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey D. Murrah
