The cheater’s mind is often twisted in their logic. They are often rational, in that they do what logically makes, sense, yet their priorities are often so twisted, that the end goal is more about what they deserve and their happiness rather than what their responsibilities are to you and to the family. They put what they ‘deserve’ ahead of what they are responsible for. Using thinking like “I deserve to be happy” or “I deserve a decent relationship” or I deserve good sex”, they make choices and set priorities where their personal ‘deserving’ comes first. It amounts to the ‘What is in it for me’ mindset on steroids.
If you try to discuss important issues with them, there is often little common ground. You are headed one direction and they are headed another. With two distinctly different goals, it is hard to develop the teamwork to achieve a good marriage. It is no wonder that when you try to get into their head that it feels like an alien world. It is an alien world, filled with different priorities, different logic, and different life goals. If you do not share common morals and values, it will be hard to work together on your marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
2 Responses
Reminds me of ‘a great gulf fixed” mentioned in the story of Lazarus and the rich man.
Zaza,
I had not made the connection with Lazarus and the rich man when writing the post. The rich man certainly had some ‘entitlement’ or “I deserve this” kind of thinking. The ‘entitlement thinking’ led to a ‘great gulf fixed’ or chasm in his case, as is the case with many couples as well. It often creates what feels like a ‘gulf’ or canyon between the two people.-Thank you for that connective insight!