“When should I confront the affair?” is one of many challenging questions you will face. In many ways, there is one challenging question after another. Even with the series of challenges, this is often one of the first challenging questions.
When you ask this question, I often wonder the motive behind it. Is it that you are looking for a time when things will go smoothest, when you are feeling strong or when the children and others are not around? If you are looking for an easy or smooth time, there isn’t one.
I do encourage you to pray before taking action. This will help get your thoughts together and and regain focus. You will need that. For some cheaters will do their best to distract you or bounce problems back to you.
The best time is often the soonest one.
Rehearsing it until you get the right words is not required. You want your concerns to come from your heart. When you rehearse your words until they are perfect, you will come across as staged rather than sincere.
Confrontations are always done best one on one and face to face. If you are afraid of how they may react, then make sure that the door is not shut and that nothing blocks you or them from leaving the room where the confrontation is occurring. Blocking the door is a sure way to escalate the situation even more than is necessary.
If you are concerned for your safety, remove the guns and weapons from the home prior to the confrontation. Although you may be angry, the cheater may react with anger as well. Rather than risk either of you being hurt, some safety measures like removing dangers help. Yes, they will probably say you do not trust them. The truth is …you don’t. You need to see some honesty and changes in their anger level before you can trust them.
Anger is okay, but violence is not. Given the intense depth of feeling, there will likely be anger. If you are expecting to have a confrontation without anger, you are being unrealistic in your expectations.
It also helps to have a back-up plan in terms of a potential place to stay in the event that things get out of hand. Make sure you have the keys, that your car has gas, that you have some money and spare clothes. Getting trapped in your home with someone who is raging after a confrontation can create other problems that you do not need.
Best Regards,
Jeff
