In working with relationships, there are some people that trigger intense emotional reactions inside me. Anytime I see them on the television, I start feeling a churning in the pit of my stomach. At times, I’ve tried overlooking their past, yet on seeing them, I still feel revulsion.
Sadly some of these cheating on your spouse when they are ill’ characters are in the political spotlight. The media seems to love getting their opinions. I want to scream at the television “Why would you want to hear from that sick SOB!?”
To me, these people cement the image that cheating on your spouse is normal and ok. It’s like a growing self-perpetuating cancer of degradation to our society. But what can we do?
We as a culture are bombarded with messages that say it’s ok to cheat on your spouse. Television and movies glamorize disloyalty.
They downplay the impact of selling out your marriage. They make it look as if when you are involved with a ‘noble’ cause or social justice, it’s more important than your marriage.
I’m not one of the safety pin and coloring book types. Those people trouble me, not because I disagree with their policies, it’s because I consider them ugly from the inside out.
Since I deal with relationships, I firmly believe that relationships are important. We are together to make each other’s life better. It doesn’t matter if it’s a child, partner or even our dog, we all want to feel needed and important in the lives of those around us.
How a man or woman treats their spouse says a great deal about them, and how they’ll treat others as well. If you can betray your partner, there is no reason to believe you won’t do the same to friends or co-workers.
Some people look at how others treat their pets, others look at how they treat their children, I look at their relationships. With both spouses and children, how people handle relationships tells you a lot. I look at how Donald Trump, MLK, Joe Biden, Ghandi and others handle their relationships more than what things they say or accomplished.
I also know that some spouses aren’t easy to live with. It’s one thing if they threaten your life, its quite another abandoning them when they need your support, love and care.
The biggest problem of our day is not the lack of compassion, it’s the lack of loyalty. As a culture we have come to believe that if someone doesn’t serve us exactly as we like, then they don’t deserve kindness or consideration.
When someone cheats on their spouse while their spouse is severely ill, with something like cancer, heart disease, lung disease or the like, I have strong negative reactions.
If a spouse has to give up their career and they are unable to work, or they lost the ability to work from an illness, it’s natural for the other spouse to pick up the slack. It’s normal and healthy for them to be compassionate, supportive and kind.
Since marriage vows include the part about ‘in sickness and in health’, spouses that cheat when their partner are in serious violation of marriage vows. They break the part of their vows about loving them ‘in sickness’.
Cheating when your spouse has cancer or other major life threatening illness is horrid to me. When your wife has cancer, it’s not time to be hooking up with a lover.
While their spouse is fighting for their life, they run off with someone that’s willing to cheat on them. They are selling out their marriage vows and looking for a relationship that doesn’t include loyalty or commitment.
I understand that some may use the excuse of ‘midlife crisis’ for their cheating. Even this excuse is a weak reason for violating their vows.
I understand that each spouse has needs, yet during a major illness, the caregiving should be the priority. Major illness put a strain on marriages.
I know that their spouse cannot be 100% sexy, fun and romantic. It’s unrealistic to expect it. I understand the difficult adjustments spouses face when a partner is ill. For these reasons, during an illness, couples should support each other in ways that don’t violate marriage vows or common decency.
During such times, they both need a sensitivity to each other’s needs, yet meeting those needs with an affair while your spouse has a major illness is not a good solution. They may even need help in developing a care plan during such times.
If someone sells their spouse out in their time of needs, it leaves me wondering when they’ll sell others out as well. I consider it a red flag. If they’ll cheat to meet their sexual desires, I know that they’ll cheat to meet other needs as well .
According to the cheating spouse, it’s right for them to disregard marriage vows and common decency by having an affair while the other is ill. What about respecting life? What about being loyal?
Having an affair when your spouse is on deployment is bad enough, but having an affair while they are dealing with a life-threatening condition is gut-wrenching.
Given that cancers and major illnesses and life-threatening disabilities can impact you at any age, ‘caregiving and affairs’ is not an elderly person’s issue. You can’t say, that “it’s only a concern for elderly couples”.
Studies have found that divorce is more likely when the wife is ill than when the husband is ill, so the danger is very real.
If you are struggling with infidelity, this ebook is for you.
This book will help you understand what happened and how to heal from the pain of infidelity. It will also give you a step-by-step process on how to get back your life after being betrayed by someone who was supposed to love and cherish you unconditionally.
Desire: You deserve better than that! You deserve a partner who loves and respects you as much as they say they do. You deserve a partner that wants nothing more than to be there for all of your needs – not just some of them when it’s convenient or easy for them. And most importantly, YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED JUST THE WAY THAT YOU ARE! Especially if you are ill or incapacitated.
Click here now if interested in purchasing the ‘Why wasn’t I enough’ ebook today!
Best Regards,
Jeff
3 Responses
After D Day I learned that over our entire marriage my husband had sought out ways to indulge himself with other women
Spiritually there is the very real effects in the deceived spouse physically because of infidelity ….not just STDs
The dismissal during pregnancy…even one which the doctor TOLD my husband it was life threatening requiring months of confined to bed
After D Day years later he denied having been told this from the doctor even as we had to hire help
Spiritually the sins brin an open conduit to thoughts
The Bible tells the believer to monitor his own thoughts as thought eventually prompt actions
Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
That’s 2 Corinthians 10:5
The experience of the berayed spouse is subtle sense if not being on the mind of the betrayer… neglect ….low on the priority ….rejection where choices come into play as to what the betrayer chooses to do with their “free time”
Stress grows as their is isolation rather than engagement …..more responsibilities dumped than shared in home maintenance and parenting …..disinterest in the conditions effecting the children in longer “justified ” absences from involvment in the home and among previously shared social activities
All of this is stressful and when there are added pressures to be a “better” …more attractive…more and more unselfish giver for the sake of the working spouses needs because the one staying wat home is not considered actually doing WORK or making a contribution ..stress and stress can bring on any number of illnesses
The society has put out the encouragement to see the homemaker ….mother….as not contributing to society
This was an agenda in order to gain control of the training of children as well as gsinnng a second income from two spouses
Splitting up the family with transfers and reducing couple activities has been done intentionally
A new world geopolitical culture cannot function with the foundations laid within the believer informed by scripture rightly divided in Truth ….for out of the Christian who is informed by scripture through the Holy Spirit grows a person who knows or is willing to be taught what and why Gods Word will guide into all truth and lead to self governing because it is wise and has good outcomes !
A Christian who obeys God and studies and continues to study scripture will be led to learn…and will in obedience teach and grain his own children and will are enough for them to not want to risk harming them
In the process hey will learn the VALUE of other people ..especially their own children
They would also not see other people as “USEFUL” to serve their own lusts
How many illnesses might not even have had a chance…and opening into the person married to a selfish self centered rebel to stir the physical system by way of emotional neglect and abuse of trust
So yes …one finds the a abandonment of a ill spouse repugnant
The unfaithful goes on only slightly disturbed that their fantasy life has been discovered …as if the discovery itself was the real violation ….somehow their entitlement to freedom should not be thwarted by those damaged by their choices!
It’s proven as they depart all who they previously used and harmed in order to begin “fresh” with a new and usually willing person without any concern or glance backward which might remind them of a moral law that though they believe has no binding effect upon them yet it appears it still resonates ….resulting in denying it access to their mental effort to make choices for their own “good” yet it will end badly …
Sin kills
Zaza,
Thank you for sharing your experience. Sin definitely kills. What’s bad is that sin often disguises itself. The destruction that affairs bring are often hidden by sex appeal. The carnal indulgence hides the destruction it brings to marriages, families and communities. It destroys from the inside out.
The destruction it brings to the soul is far worse than any STD could do to the body. You are right is seeing the danger behind the affair thoughts. The tragic element is that marriages and families don’t have to be destroyed. Marriage don’t have to be sacrificed to the self-indulgence of affairs.
I concur that there are some in society that seek the destruction of the family unit. They want it broken down into the component parts. At times the attacks on the family are direct and other times, they are indirect by such things as not appreciating motherhood or homemakers. You are perceptive in making note of that.
It’s my hope that many couples see that dangers of affairs and take steps to repair their relationships instead of allow the destruction to touch the family.
Sorry the typos are plentiful
Tiny keyboard on the phone and tiny print add up to amusing typos😕
Oh for my laptop to be “resurrected”!🤤