Ten Years After and a Radical Turn: My 3000th Post

Over the years, I’ve learned the importance of gratitude whether or not it comes easy. During good times gratitude comes easy. It’s when you’re going through trials and challenges that gratitude turns into a struggle.

It was quite an awakening when as a counselor, I realized that affairs were not merely a symptom, but where the main problem that many couples see counselors for. Shockingly, only 40% of counselors ever address the issue of the affair.  That discovery started my search in understanding affairs and finding the best way of helping couples heal from affairs.

I want to thank those of you who have been with me, even for a little while in the past ten years that I’ve been blogging and writing about affairs.  This is my 3,000th post.

Although I’d worked with them for more years, with my unique approach in dealing with affairs, it was ten years ago, in March 2007 that my work made a radical turn. I went from working in the office with affairs to helping couples online. (And yes, I do enjoy the music of Ten Years After).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBAwv49slC8

Radical turns aren’t easy, yet they’re often needed. It’s on those radical banked turns that formula one drivers win or lose races. I was making a radical turn that I thought would make me or break me.

There were not enough hours in a day or enough people helped in an office for my liking, or even two offices, which I once had. My vision was helping thousands rather than hundreds of couples. At times that vision has been a blessing and at others, it has had its share of discouragement.

Although many of my articles on marital and family matters had international exposure, it wasn’t enough. They needed to know “how” they could make the needed changes.

I am thankful that the radical turn happened. Emails, letters and calls came in from diverse places stretching from  Australia to Brazil with stories of hope and change. Although going from doing clinical work in an office to navigating the online world took me out of my comfort zone, the encouragement of those emails, calls and letters made it worth it. These marriages once faced hopelessness and despair. Hearing of the dramatic changes thrilled my heart. The tragedies that happened in their lives was heart-braking.

There were times that on hearing their situations, I struggled finding anything anyone could be thankful for in their situation. Their emails often conveyed a tidal wave of pain that packed a punch on reading. There were some that required re-reading several times, sitting back, taking a breath and re-reading. I am thankful for those of you who reached out. I am thankful for those who took the risk of sharing your story with me.

Change starts when you find things you can be thankful for. No matter how convoluted your situation may be, finding some part of it where you can be grateful is a good start, even if it’s gratitude that it’s not worse.

This is the story behind why I created the Affair Recovery Workshop with its unique approaches and sequence. When you follow the plan, you can connect with your spouse and bring healing to both of you.

The workshop points out where your marriage needs strengthening, ways of improving intimacy and ways of dealing with conflict without the high drama. The two of you need each other, especially in tackling a problem as big as the affair. An affair does not have to mean the end of your marriage.

Best Regards,

Jeff