A reader posed the question to me, “So, what about the “hot wife”? My husband has this “fetish”.
The question caught me by surprise. I’d never been asked about the ‘hot wife’ issue before. It was only later I learned the contemporary definition of the term. For the moment, I’ll address the mild version.
I wrote out a response and discussed the topic of the ‘hot wife’ with my wife. We’d never talked about what the term brought to mind, nor the motivations behind it before.
The question about the ‘hot wife’ is literally, a fascinating topic (in terms of fantasy driven behavior). I consider it natural and normal for a husband to want his wife to be attractive and take care of herself.
I also consider attractiveness a two-way street. It’s not unrealistic for a wife to want her husband to make themselves attractive as well.
One complaint among spouses is when they don’t care for their attractiveness when with each other.
It’s also a big leap going from attractive wife to a ‘hot wife‘. First, it takes self-care to a whole new level which is hard for anyone to maintain consistently. It raises the question as to whether he is attracted to the real you or just the sexy (hot) parts?
Using the term ‘hot wife’ makes me wonder if he wants you to be attractive in a ‘hot’ (e.g. sexy) for him in private or publicly.
If his desire is public displays of ‘hotness’, it raises concerns with me. Such a desire suggests that he has some fantasies going on or some self-esteem concerns. Your use of the term ‘fetish’ confirms the fantasy aspect.
I would wonder what’s fueling his fantasies, since the term ‘hot wife’ has various fantasies behind its use.
It could be that he wants to show off how his wife is ‘hot’ OR something else. That ‘something else’ is always a concern. Public displays of hotness attracts trouble. It amounts to advertising something that shouldn’t be advertised. In such cases, you may want to talk about ways of redirecting the ‘hotness’ in a healthier direction or explore why he needs a ‘hot wife’ to feel good about himself
I like attractive wives, but even the term ‘hot wife’ has some associations and connotations that aren’t healthy for marriages.
If you aren’t sure where to start stimulating conversations about topics like attractiveness, you would benefit from the “30 Days to a Better Marriage” program. In it, you’ll find ways of opening up communication so that topics like this can be talked about with greater ease.
Best Regards,
Jeff
