A reader recently wrote me about the problems she’s facing with her husband. Her frustration and pain came through so strong in her letter, I felt I was experiencing the same discomfort.
Her struggle concerned her husband who binges on porn and then desires acting out what he just watched. She was feeling desperate concerning how to deal with the situation.
Although not all of you are dealing with the same issue, there are some lessons from her situation that will help ya’ll. One of those lessons concerns the potential dangers of cosplay (costume play).
You don’t hear much about cosplay in connection with affairs, even though you should. Under normal conditions, cosplay is a safe and fun activity.
The danger comes when those engaged in cosplay start using their costume in testing sexual limits. The husband sought acting out the porn he viewed.
In his case, he was acting out the porn infused fantasy. She found herself living inside his porn fantasy world.
She was no longer his wife, but was now his porn totem. He can relive himself on her, but not as a wife.
With cosplay, some cheaters put on a new persona with their costume and test limits regarding affairs. In some ways, cheaters were engaging in cosplay long before it became popular.
It’s no surprise that there are increasing numbers of sexual harassment and assaults in the cosplay community. The dress up is exciting, yet it stirs up passions as well.
The swinger community knows this, which is one of the big draws for them. Their events often emphasize dressing up, which contributes to the excitement.
Dressing up is not just putting on different clothes. In this case, it includes putting on a new identity.
Cheaters and cosplay are a dangerous combination. With the dress up of cosplay, some cheaters release their dark side. The dress up allows them to hide who they really are and act out in other ways.
If you think cheater hiding behind avatars or false identities on the computer is bad, cosplay takes the hide and sexual play to new levels.
The other danger is that the cheater seeks indulgence in their fantasy rather than making love to you. They get more caught up in the toys and costumes than in you.
You want them interested in you rather than how you’re packaged.
If your marriage needs help in rediscovering who each of you really are and in moving past the affair, the “Affair Recovery Workshop” will help. Inside, you’ll find direction on ways of making healthy changes to your marriage.
At the new support community, Restored Lifestyle, I go more in depth regarding costume play and your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
