One of the problems that comes with victimization happens with the realization that most people have experienced some forms of trauma in their lives. Just mentioning the word trauma brings up a wide range of reactions.
Researchers classify traumas ranging from what is referred to as big T events and small T events. The big T traumas are the severe events and the small-t traumas are those with low impact.
Having been through multiple hurricanes, a near-terrorist plane event, chemical plant explosions and two severe floods has taught me a few lessons about types of trauma and their impact. This is in addition to my experiences working in the mental health field, where I’ve been stalked, attacked by patients and threatened more times than I can remember.
Given what I’ve been through I found myself surprised in learning about the most common trauma found among sex addicts. In my mind, I imagined all kinds of trauma behind their addiction, but was wrong.
There is definitely a connection between trauma and sexual addiction, yet the findings are surprising.
What researchers have found is that the most common form of trauma with sex addicts is neglect during childhood. Although this is a small-t trauma, it has long term impact.
This trauma is found with both sexual addiction and love addictions. It may not be that you need sex all the time, instead it could be the need for affirmations via sex.
The research also alerted me to the impact of even small-t events that are never dealt with. Your childhood impacts your marriage. What happened or didn’t happen shapes your marriage.
When an affair is a cry for help, the hurt behind it could have happened long before the two of you even met. Although it happened before you met, it still needs attention.
Traumas can be dealt with, resolved and moved past. When you have the right tools, those chapters of your life can be brought to a close. You don’t have to continue reliving them.
It also means that the two of you need to talk about things like childhood neglect and how it shows up in your relationship.
If you were a member of the Restored Lifestyle site, you’d also have access to the video on overcoming Affair Trauma, which provides tools for moving past traumas in your life and your spouses.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
