One of the topics I address in preventing Affair Relapse concerns the early warning signs of an affair. The uncomfortable truth is that the risk of an affair happening again is higher if they’ve already had an affair. This doesn’t mean they will have another affair, yet it does mean the risk is higher for them.
The popular sentiment is “Once a cheater, always a cheater”. I understand this sentiment, yet having such an attitude in the aftermath of an affair only greases the rails for another one to happen. Not only does it increase the likelihood, but it also shuts your mind to the possibility of them making changes.
This approach is more akin to an attitude of helplessness. You may feel that way at times, but that doesn’t mean that’s actually the way it is. During those times, you do not see options, even though there may be some. Having a mindset of helplessness is a warning sign.
Another early warning sign is that of binging. If your spouse has a history of binging at times, they’re at higher risk of binging in the area of affairs as well. This behavior brings with it a loss of self-control. The problem is that when you lose self-control in one area, it’s likely that you’ll lose self-control in other areas as well.
Not all binge eaters or binge drinkers are automatically cheaters. They are just at higher risk of having that combination, especially since they’ve already cheated once before.
Knowing how your spouse eats is not typically something you think about. You may have never even considered it before. Many couples are so accustomed to each other, that they quit paying attention to little details that actually reveal much more than originally assumed. Being unaware of binge eating is one sign that the two of you still need to work on tuning into each other.
As the two of you start working on affair recovery, each of you will be influencing the other in ways you may not be aware of. What does this mean?
It means that self-control rather than self-indulgence is something that needs improvement in your marriage. It’s also something that helps make the risk of affair relapse lower. The more you know about your spouse’s triggers and early warning signs, the lower the risk of relapsing.
This means that the two of you will need to be discussing triggers and warning signs rather than avoiding each other or getting caught up with distractions.
In the video “Reducing Affair Relapse“, I address these issues along with some of the more blatant early warning signs to look for that will alert you to potentially dangerous times. When you’re aware of the dangers, you can avoid falling for them.
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Keeping It Real,
Jeff
