One of the trends I’ve seen lately is the tendency of some cheaters to use the excuse “it’s just sex” in justifying their infidelities. I hear the refrain from the cheater as well as the AP.
When you think through this excuse there are some problems.
First, it views sex as a recreational activity. Although sex is an enjoyable release and has recreational elements, when you categorize it that way it has some ramifications.
One is that it demeans the sexual relationship they have with you. Sex is no longer something special shared between the two of you. The excuse takes it down to an animal-like level. That bonding you shared with them means nothing more than the exchange of bodily fluids. It speaks volumes about how they regard their relationship with you.
Two, it brings other people into your marriage along with whatever diseases they may have transmitted to your spouse. In the case of women, they also now carry the DNA of every sexual partner they have been with. So you may be bringing diseases and DNA into your marriage.
Thirdly, it compartmentalizes sexual activity. Sex at that point is no longer about especially sharing yourself and getting closer. It is now cut off from the emotional and spiritual portions of the relationship.
Compartmentalizing grows increasingly dangerous the longer it’s used. What starts as a simple separation of parts of your life starts turning into walls.
The excuse of ‘it’s just sex’ allows the walls to become taller and thicker. What starts as a way of keeping things separate becomes different parts of your life.
When they give you this excuse, the cheater is also signaling to you that they are compartmentalizing what they did. Let me be clear on this. They’re alerting you with a flashing warning light that they’re pulling away from you! They are telling you that their relationship with you is one based on using you.
What that means is that now is the time for you to do something. Each day, the compartmentalizing grows stronger. Each day of delay allows them to continue excusing sexual infidelities in their life.
In the downloadable Affair Recovery Workshop, I guide you through the process of dealing with the affair, from the initial shock through rebuilding your marriage afterward. There are many changes needed in your marriage.
At this point, you may not even be aware of all that needs changing to turn things around. Click and download the workshop today so you can repair what happened.
Sex can once again be something special. Your marriage can also once more be a special relationship for you and them.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
