Why Affairs Rarely Lead to Lasting Relationships

There were times during my school years when I wondered if I’d ever use things like statistics outside of academia. Back then, the relevance seemed distant, but today, I find myself using statistics and algebra regularly — even in unexpected areas like understanding affairs. These tools have become invaluable in objectively navigating difficult and sensitive matters.

Take, for instance, a reader who asked, “Is it possible for the man you had an affair with to end up choosing you?” The simple answer is “yes.”

Cheaters can end up with their lovers. However, without knowing her true motivation, it’s unclear what her desired outcome is. Some lovers simply want something to hope for — the possibility of being chosen. It often turns into a ‘pick me’ game.

Statistically speaking, the odds of that happening are very slim. It’s far more likely for a cheater to remain with their partner or move on to someone else.

A more pertinent question is whether it’s likely that he’ll choose you. Statistically, the cheater ends up with the lover only about 10% of the time. That’s a 1 in 10 chance — not very favorable odds, though some people have risked more for worse odds in weekly lottery drawings.

I know I wouldn’t fly an airplane that only had a 10% chance of arriving safely, nor would I want to live in a home where the electricity only worked 10% of the time. It would be unreliable and risky.

Yet, some lovers are so desperate that even a small chance gives them hope — especially love addicts. They take their 10% chance and embellish it with romantic fantasies. The greater the risk, the greater the rush for them.

But for many, the risk simply isn’t worth it. The potential consequences far outweigh the benefits, especially when you consider getting involved with someone who has already demonstrated a lack of commitment and respect in their previous relationship.

Statistics can be a helpful tool in decision-making, especially when emotions are involved. They provide an objective perspective and help us see the bigger picture. While there’s always a chance, it’s crucial to weigh the risks and make informed decisions.

Cheaters often become so caught up in their addiction that they lose sight of reality, ignoring the numbers stacked against them. The power of their fantasies is so strong that they overlook the odds. They need help.

Affairs are not a healthy foundation for any relationship. When your foundation is shaky, any marriage built on it will be unstable as well. Statistics show that relationships formed from affairs are more likely to end in divorce.

It’s essential to take a step back and evaluate the situation objectively. While moments of hope may arise, consider the long-term consequences and whether it’s worth risking everything for a small chance of being chosen by a cheater.

This is where the video “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery” comes in. It can assist both cheaters and lovers in developing healthier thinking patterns and relationships.

You deserve a relationship where someone chooses you for who you are — not because of what you provide, whether it’s physical, financial, or convenient. Healthy marriages generally don’t start as affairs.

If you had an affair with him, your relationship is already tainted. Focus on making yourself healthier, and then seek out healthier relationships.