The Myth of Predicting Affairs and Why Common Sense Matter More Than Surveys

It gives me hope when I come across common sense expressed in everyday language. I had one of those moments when I came across a quote from sociologist John Shelton Reed.

He dared to point out that "a survey tells you what people think they ought to say when a stranger knocks on the door and begins asking suspicious questions." If all surveys posted that disclaimer, you would see greater honesty in studying human behavior.

In co-incidental timing the morning after coming across that quote, the results of a new study came out proclaiming "the ability to predict affairs and relationship break-up." This study, like many was based on a survey. In this case, it was based on the responses of 772 people (507 women and 272 men).

The reporting of the study results makes it sound like there is now a way of accurately predicting affairs, even though other researchers made similar claims based on body type, genetic predisposition, or some other newfangled angle.

The truth is far more mundane and the results are not as impressive. The survey in question asked questions about “dimensions of love,” which included commitment, passion, intimacy, and trust. It's not rocket science to figure out that if a person doesn't indicate very high responses on these qualities, then maybe their relationship isn't completely solid.

The articles make for splashy press releases but haven't really explained or reliably predicted cheating on a wide-scale basis. This is why I remain skeptical about these news stories that come out during slow news cycles.

What I do know is that when cheating happens, it shocks you and rocks your marriage. At those times you start rethinking and evaluating your marriage. It triggers serious soul-searching.

At those moments what's important is how you deal with it. That's more important than predicting it or knowing what caused it. Chasing after the cause soon after discovering the affair will have you chasing your tail.

Instead of wasting your focus and energies on chasing after predictions and causes, a better use of them would be to identify what you can do about it now. When you look at what you can do instead of what you should have done, you'll make better progress in recovering from what happened.

It's important to remember that every relationship is unique and cannot be easily predicted or explained by surveys or studies. Every person has their motivations and experiences that contribute to their actions, including cheating. It's also worth noting that there is no one-size-fits-all solution for recovering from an affair.

Instead of focusing on predicting or preventing affairs, it may be more beneficial to focus on building a strong and healthy relationship through open communication, trust, and mutual respect. This can help create a solid foundation for the relationship and make it less likely for infidelity to occur.

In the video "Overcoming the Affair Crisis", I go into ways of dealing with what you can do. Taking action gets you through recovery much better than blaming.

Would you rather spend the next two hours looking for who to blame or what you can do about it now? Which option will improve your relationship?

Reading through the latest study is entertaining, but doesn't show you what's needed in improving your marriage.

If you want to move forward, it helps to know what to do and when to do it. Click and download your copy today.

Keeping it Real,

Jeff