Uncovering the Church's Silent Endorsement of Infidelity

In one of the letters I received a reader wanted me to further address the problem of affairs and the church in general. The issue of affairs and the church as a whole is concerning. At a time when preserving marriages and families should be a priority, in many churches, this is not the case.

For instance, when one magazine surveyed 300 pastors back in the 90’s, they found that 23% of them admitted to being sexual with someone other than their spouse. Bear in mind that whatever happens to the pastor impacts those under their teachings. When that many pastors are compromised, those pulpits will turn a blind eye toward affairs as well.

When you consider this phenomenon, I wonder how such a thing could happen. When the institution that is supposed to promote marriage is marred, my inquiring mind wants to know more about this.

One reason for this is the emphasis on spiritual conformity. Many churches and denominations emphasize spiritual conformity. They want everyone in the flock to think and function as a group. This goes all the way down to what is preached from the pulpit each week so that all the churches present the same message. Rather than emphasize genuine or individual growth, the emphasis is on creating a flock mentality. With a flock, you can have large groups going through the motions of being good or appearing godly. When there is genuine growth, the pastor loses total control of the flock.

With this model, families and marriages are supposed to follow the pre-arranged walk of life rather than being led by the Holy Spirit. This model creates security and stability. The message of conformity shapes the views of the congregants on what marriage is, whether divorce is approved, and what behaviors are condoned.

This mentality is not limited to churches by any means. The mass media also does its part in creating conformity in society. Although conformity has its benefits, when that conformity endorses or turns a blind eye to infidelity, you have a widespread problem in marriages and families. At that point, you have managed to weaken the marriages and families of the culture as a whole.

There is also a second issue of cheap grace. This amounts to presenting affairs as no big deal. In the name of love, affairs are overlooked and divorce is seen as a common occurrence if not outright approved of.

When pastors start seriously dealing with infidelity, they have to deal with infidelity in the pulpit as well. This brings conviction and hurt feelings. Rather than risk people taking offense and leaving the church by meddling in such matters, many pastors instead focus on love and grace where such behaviors are forgiven and excused without any conviction or consequences. The cheap grace determines how to apply Scripture to marriage instead of Scripture shaping the church and the people on marriage and divorce.

When the issue of affairs is overlooked, it leaves the people happy, the pulpit weakened and marriages damaged. If you are serious about your marriage and family, then order the Affair Recovery Workshop and start making changes in your life and marriage. The change starts with you and your marriage.

Keeping It Real,

Jeff