Have you ever considered the connection is between drugs and affairs? Sure, it is easy to hate on the cheater, and affairs yet when it comes down to understanding what happened and all the factors involved, drugs may have played a role you never considered.
Drugs, even prescription and over the counter ones can be threatening your marriage without you even realizing it. Any drug that leaves you impaired increases the risk of an affair.
If the affair involved a drug like rohypnol (roofies), it is easy to see the role of drugs. Keep in mind that many rohypnol pills are dropped into drinks. Before the advent of rohypnol, there was alcohol. Seducers and those who want to deaden their conscience have long known that a drugged mind says “why not?”
Another popular drug used based on the fuzzy recollections it leaves behind is Xanax. It is one drug that lowers resistance and inhibitions. The drugged mind says ‘why not?‘
Some cheaters may resort to alcohol or other drugs to ease their conscience. In such situations the connection between drugs and affairs is clear. When they go out with the intention to cheat, they often take steps to deaden their conscience.
In their mind, they may think of it as working up their courage. It is not about working up courage, it is about deadening their conscience. That is why drugs are often given to soldiers, to deaden their conscience about what they are doing. If it works with soldiers, what makes you think those same forces are not at work in your spouse?
Although drugs like alcohol and rohypnol often get all the attention, you can not overlook ecstasy, cocaine or crack which stimulate the body and brain. Once turned on, the brain wants MORE.
Consider the finding that 40-70% of cocaine addicts are also sex addicts. The turned on brain wants MORE of everything, including sex and drugs.
If it can’t get more of the drug, it may want more sex or more whatever. Once your spouse’s mind is under the control of chemicals, they will not make the same choices they would if they were drug free.
In working with affair relapses, I know that many relapses and probably many affairs involve the ingestion of drugs prior to the affair. That connection between drugs and affairs exists where one often leads to the other.
Removing the drugs may not always prevent the affair, yet it does reduce the risk. When the cheater has full control of their faculties, they make better choices.
Have you considered discussing how to avoid drugs like rohypnol as part of your relapse prevention plan? Have you considered reducing or eliminating alcohol as part of the plan? If you have not, you may need to include these things.
You can talk about all the ways to reduce temptation and how to handle people making passes at them, yet when drugs are introduced, everything changes.
The drugs you need to consider may also include prescription drugs. If the drugs they are taking leaves them even slightly impaired, the risk of an affair increases.
When they are only in control of 80% of their facilities, there are 20% that are ‘out of control’. That 20% can change how they react to even close calls.
Those very prescription drugs may be leaving your spouses mind and nervous system vulnerable to an affair. Even though the doctor prescribed them, they may not be leaving your spouse safe from affairs.
They may even be contributing to them in ‘ways you never considered’. Even over the counter drugs like antihistamines or benadryl can cloud a person’s judgement enough to make some risky choices. If it leaves you or your spouse less than 100% clear headed, there is a risk.
You have to decide what amount of risk you are willing to accept. When you and your spouse start taking a hard look at the affair and what happened, make sure you include drugs, including alcohol and over the counter medications. There is definitely a connection between drugs and affairs.
If you are struggling with the effects of an affair, you’ll want the video “Preventing Affair Relapse“, which guides you in removing the obstacles in the way of recovery and relapse.
Best Regards,
Jeff
2 Responses
One point you made that rings true is that when a person has been buying the lie that cheating is chic….doable and somehow “unavoidable”…due to an “unmet need” aka lust of the flesh…then there are the any media depictions of drugs or alcohol as part of the glamorous setting for “romance” and prelude to sexual activity which many think of as a badge of maturity
All lies
The altering of ones consciousness has become the trend in religious circles ..no less dangerous as it is to open ones mind to spiritual influences which take over the will of people by way of convincing them the thoughts they are having are their own and “clever” to the point of thinking there is no harm as long as their Bahaviour is consensual and hidden
Wrong again
Nothing hidden will remain so…what is done in the dark will be revealed in the light at some point by the very spirits that seek to steal…kill and destroy by setting people up with deceitful shares set for those who act upon thoughts that appeal to their flesh and oppose the truth of God which would protect them…though they know it not
Zaza,
The pursuit of what is ‘chic’ or ‘trendy’ often has unpleasant consequences. Your observations are sadly spot on. Even in church circles, the altering of consciousness is common. An impaired mind does not think. An impaired mind can not say no.
Hiding the activities does not make them right, even in church circles. Sadly, there have been many in the ministry, going back to Hophni and Phineas that exploit the weaker members. I have worked with couples where religion is used as a lie to seduce. Under the premise that they are ‘getting closer to God’, or ‘doing God’s will’, the seducer has their way with them. Such practices have more in common with cults than with the God of the Bible.