Have you considered the question, “Where will infidelity take you today?” Infidelity takes you places that you never dreamed were possible.
I was reminded of this on reading an article about the upcoming trial of a widow in New Orleans. She is reported to have hired someone to kill her cheating husband.
Before you exclaim “How Terrible!” or “How could she do something like that?” or some other remark in spontaneous judgement, remember that there is an affair involved. When your spouse cheats on you, all bets are off.
The emotions stirred up by an affair are often intense and deep. The sense of betrayal and hurt often trigger other emotions as well. The betrayal of an affair puts you in a frame of mind where you consider doing things you never considered before. You look at the world differently when your spouse cheats on you.
It’s easy to dismiss the affair as a non-issue. With Hollywood and mass media doing their best to ‘normalize’ affairs, you may think that an affair is ‘not a big deal’.
When an affair happens to you, it is a big deal. Those ‘normalizing’ affairs are making awkward attempts at lessening the pain. The problem is that their normalizing affairs actually makes things worse. When it happens to you, it tears you up, yet the mass media gives the message that “all is Okay”. This creates a HUGE disconnect.
That huge disconnect puts the loyal spouse in a bind. Forces in society say it is not a big deal, while your own gut tells you different. Which one do you listen to, society or your gut?
In that state of confusion or disconnect, your mind is unsure what to do. Those painful emotions have to come out somehow. They want release. You begin thinking of methods of releasing all those negative feelings. The release becomes more important to you than the morality of your choices.
At that point, getting out of the pain makes more sense than doing ‘right’. This is why the question “how far will infidelity take you?” is important. In dealing with the pain, it takes you further than you ever imagine. It also takes you deeper than you want to go.
You may find your mind making plans and plotting things that are highly illegal and dangerous. Infidelity will take you places, places you may not like or ever want to visit again. When your emotions take charge, they look for release rather that what is legal or moral.
I recall meeting with a woman whose husband cheated on her. Although she was a moral, upstanding person, in her pain, she was willing to cast that aside. She was considering forms of getting back, including sinking into immorality herself. She was entertaining sleeping with the next man she met as a way of getting back and getting release.
“Where will your spouses infidelity take you?” For her, she was willing to soil her own reputation and health all for the sake of revenge.
Rather than allowing your emotions taking charge of your life, consider finding ways of working through the pain. Considering options like the “Affair Recovery Workshop” is much healthier than other lethal or damaging options.
Best Regards,
Jeff
4 Responses
Oh no! Revenge is never a good idea …though I know the struggle we experience when DDay happens and some time after……
I say…God said “vengence is mine”…and He ‘s perfect! So He will deal with those perfectly
However as Jesus reminded us …Let he who is without sin cast the first stone
Not only that..He said to pray for those who despiteffully use you….
Actually it’s so painful to be confronted with betrayal …desperate for some kind of affirmation as to the pain and loss but I found out just as you said…one of the most difficult things was to learn how people who I dared to share this Teri me news with reacted as if it was nothing surprising….it cuts deep
I do pray for those who have a used my trust….because they are I. Great danger of eternal loss if they once claimed Christ and worse if they have not trusted in Christ
The long term cost to me is not as hurtful to me as the way it seems my daughters are seemingly willing to not marry or have children …what hope do they have as they are chaste virgins in a landscape of very few who have honored the Lords commands to love godly and avoid involvement with the opposite sex to that end
I am sure the other woman and the children she had will full knowledge do not lack for any kind of active social life
Pretty sure my husband doesn’t have any idea what our daily lives are like lacking his presence ..his expression of sorrow over what his life long secrets have wrought
The huge number of daily losses just not having any help with the various heavy lifting …we cannot afford to hire and we would not dream of developing friendships just to get some help
No…I am sure if the truth of the future costs of infidelity were to be counted according to the reality of the depth of damage …..people might pause before they leap into the abyss….but then as they proceed down that broad way they seldom believe it will be the outcome for THEM….they have been taken captive by ideas fed unchallenged by the knowledge of Gods Word which is our defense from evil encouragements
We take it one day at a time and begin and end each day with Gods Word and prayers of thanksgiving
It’s a discipline…..not always something “felt” but Jesus is worthy of praise
He doesn’t want any to perish but all to come to the knowledge of the Truth and be saved !
Come Lord Jesus!
Zaza,
Thank you for your comments. Your response to DDay is a breath of fresh air. Many others fall apart at that time.
My intent with the post was highlighting that whether you’re the cheater or the one cheated on, an affair will take you where you never intended to go, and further than you intended to go.
Many cheaters have the ‘illusion’ of control. They think they are in control and can control what happens. The reality is that they are not in control. Once the affair kicks in, everyone looses control. Neither the cheater, the lover or the betrayed are in control of themselves or the situation.
You were fortunate in not totally loosing it. You had some foundation to build on and maturity to be able to do so. Your hanging on is an inspiration to others.
Thank you Jeff for acknowledging …the walk of Faith doesn’t render us “strong ” in the sense that we are without wounds and deep pain….but it provides the reason to be disciplined in the way we are directed to obey God from knowing from His Word that He is…and He will bring everything to the conclusion He has published in the plan expressed in the Bible
I think my husband believed that since I had my faith and Jesus that he had no worries about how his secrets would effect me….even upon revealing he said that he thought that if he was found out that our children would become good influences upon the.children adultery!
Whacked out thinking just as the Bible speaks of those who live lifestyles of sin
I think he presumed that nothing he would put us through would hurt!
He should have known the way adultery and lying was considered by our family but somehow the idea that if you are a Christian you forgive and there is no obligation on the part of the infidel to even have to feel badly about it because Jesus will take care of anyone you hurt
Well my Lord does work in my life to heal and renew my mind but it’s also an effort by me to remain faithful in continuing to walk on Hus Word
I am not saved by my effort to walk after the Lord but I am transformed by consistent growing in the knowledge of what I have been given and what is my state with Jesus Christ despite the sins against me
I am forgiven and cleansed by His sacrifice in my place before the God who is holy and just
It’s a struggle against the experience of the flesh and emotions which are crushed by anyone we have trusted who takes that as nothing special
Indeed sin will take you farther than you think it will or intend for it to go…and when it goes just so far the conscience becomes dull and the heart hardened against repentance
I notice when people become capable of insulating themselves from consequences that occur that they can run from to some other “fix” they will escape at all costs
The thing you pointed out is that they don’t realize that what they run to is nothing more than another form of prison
When a person repeatedly rejects Gods Word and the Gospel which offers freedom to obey Gods will then they lose their free will ….some little by little with compromises while they still may feel pangs of guilt but when they have lure such as the OW my husband got involved with …the collaboration to agree to do something as deeply dark as adultery which breaks every one of the Ten Commandments with knowledge then the bondage to that “relationship” becomes a trap….slavery to the lying thought process wherein the “father of lies” as Jesus identified the source …the devil has an open conduit to continue to reinforce through lust and fear to spin a web to retain those willingly involved in the deceit.
It’s also a form of the mystery of iniquity where it’s a system of thought which ensnares people through their appetites to choose destructive behaviors in order to try to quench the unquenchabke…aka lust
The whole witchcraft which results from rebellion to God enslaves people to think they are behaving “free” but they are not even free to see their true state …..blindness in every sense
We pray for them not because we are noble in the earthly sense but because it pleases the Lord and because they have no hope otherwise
We hate even he garment with the smell of smoke on….snatching some out of the fire as it were
Somebody prayed for me at some point I am pretty sure
I just want to return the blessing
Even at times through “gritted teeth”ðŸ˜
But it gets a little easier as I obey….but it still hurts at points daily even now ….almost ten years after D day
Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our salvation
And looking up!☺ï¸
2 Tim 2:24 And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient,
2 Tim 2:25 In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;
2 Tim2:26 And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.
Notice it says that it is the Devil who has taken advantage of those who refuse to receive the Gospel of Jesus Christ who died upon the cross ..paid our debt which was passed along from Adams disobedience to all flesh…..and then Jesus died our death and as buried and then rose from the Grave…..
Jude 1:23 And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.
The sinner who rejects the Saviour doesn’t have power against being “taken captive” at the Devils will!