Although fantasy often plays a large part in many affairs (flings, adultery, sleeping around, etc.) , it is dangerous to confuse fantasy with deceit. In these days of virtual reality, there always seems to be someone who is willing to allow us to ‘live out’ our fantasy. Although fantasies can be very intense experiences, when one begins believing the fantasy them self, they have slipped into the realm of deceit. In everyday talk, they begin believing their own lies.
The theologian Oswald Chambers once said “It is one thing to deceive other people, but you have to get up very early to take in God!” . As Christians, we know that He is never deceived, and that there is accountability. An adulterous spouse may pride themselves on how well they hide the evidence of activity, yet the truth will eventually come out. Each of us has to face the person in the mirror and will one day face our maker. Although the acceptance of various behaviors may change in society, they do not change with God. The recovery community has learned a great deal about deceit in dealing with addictions. One of the nuggets of wisdom they have dug up is the saying, “You’re as sick as your secrets”.
In working with people, I have seen how powerful secrets can be. Secrets can imprison someone in an emotional torture chamber. These secrets are often hard to live with. In working with affair situations, secrets are often a challenging matter. When too much information is shared with the resolute spouse, forgiveness can be difficult. Keeping all the secrets inside is also difficult. These situations are ones where it is invaluable to work with someone who has experience in dealing with such challenging situations. Such situations often have to be considered on a case by case basis in order to discern the best course of action. If revealing a secret can endanger someone’s life, it is always best to err in the direction of keeping the details secret. Since the emotions run high, affairs are often dangerous, if not life-threatening.
Regards,
Jeff Murrah
