In dealing with chemical dependency, I am reminded that after the drugs are out of the body, you have to get them out of your head and out of your heart.
This same principle applies to affairs, for both the resolute spouse and the infidel. Each of you need to get the affair out of your head and heart. Once the affair is over, you will still have to undo the affair in your head. The mental scar takes longer to heal than a physical scar. Realize that it will take time.
Although it takes time, you need more than just waiting for change to happen.
It is like changing programing in a computer. There will be days when the program loops over and over until it finally changes. You will have to remind yourself that although the program is starting like it has many times before, since the affair is over, the outcome of the program will be different.
Part of editing it requires making new and stronger connections in your brain. When the stronger connections over ride those left by the affair, you begin ‘getting it out of your head’.
Although you don’t literally remove it from your head, the new connections are strong enough to overpower those formed earlier.
As you de-program these scars in your head, the memory and fantasies regarding the affair will fade. If on the other hand, you continue giving yourself a steady diet of the fantasies, you will find it taking longer to heal and “let go” of the affair and its aftermath.
This is just the overview of what occurs. I will make some future posts concerning the details involved in this process if you all are interested in more information.
I go into greater detail about the role of fantasy in affairs in my e-book, “Why He Cheats”. The influence of fantasies is not something limited to the cheater.
Best Regards,
Jeff
