A question that often haunts those who have experienced an affair concerns the possible re-occurrence of the situation. Clients often want to know how to keep it from happening again. Although the world craves quick fixes and easy answers, there is not one in this area either. What I often share with them is that when people repent or turn from the error of their way, there are changes in both their thinking and their behavior. When a person is only changing either their behavior or their thinking, such change is short term. These half-way changes are often done only to make peace and rejoin with their spouse. They regret the trouble they have gotten into more often than having engaged in an affair.
So the first sign is to see whether there was genuine change or only partial change. Another thing to look for is their willingness to keep secrets. The keeping of secrets damages the spirit of the marriage. Another sign is how they spend and handle their money. When they keep rigidly separate accounts without a GOOD reason, it is not a good sign either.
When a spouse is truly repentant, they will be willing to discuss what led up to the affair along with what the warning signs of heading back into that situation are. A common mistake many couples make is assuming that by not talking about what happened, it won’t happen again.
This is by no means a comprehensive list, but it does have some items to help in dealing with the question.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
