Years ago, I came across the saying “Adultery happens in the head before it happens in the bed”. Over the years of working with couples, I have seen the validity of that statement. In the cases I have worked with, the decision is made to have an affair before it happens physically. The decision to have an affair can be either a conscious choice to do so, or a rejection of one’s partner (e.g. “I’m leaving them”), which often sets the stage for an affair.
There will be signals and signs before an affair occurs. If the person seeking an affair does not actively seek it out, they at least make it easy to happen and often put themselves in potentially compromising situations. Once in the compromising situation, the excuse, “it just happened” is often invoked.
Rather than choose to make yourself vulnerable to an affair, choose instead to love your spouse and remain committed to them. If you are the resolute spouse, changes in attitude often precede changes in behavior. Once the bahaviors start, they have made a choice to do so. When you see a change in attitude, it is time to act, while they are still deliberating. It is more difficult to change things once the decision to have an affair (or leave the spouse) is decided upon.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
