Affairs and secrets go hand in hand. Much of the power of affairs lies in their secrets. When there are secrets, they will eventually get out, either through direct disclosures or rumors. The danger of rumors is that they can do some of the same damage as an affair could, even if no affair occurred. In situations where an affair did occur, rumors often make them worse.
I have seen situations where a dissatisfied person began rumors of an affair with a person for revenge. When people are angry, they do not often think. It is not by mistake that there is an old Latin saying which states “Anger is a brief insanity”.
There are also cases where the rumor was designed to impinge their honor so that they would in turn be more inclined to an affair. Whether the rumors have a malicious origin or a devious one, they remain dangerous.
The question arises as to how best handle such situations. Since each situation varies with unique situational variables, there is no one size fits all answer. Some basic actions to consider include:
1. Contain the rumor. This can be done by not spreading it yourself.
2. Identify the source. In some cases it helps to confront them, in other cases, it only makes it worse. Consider your position and situation in evaluating what actions to take.
3. Do not use threats. Handle the rumor situation calmly and in a matter of fact manner. Some rumor mongers enjoy the emotional drama. Seeing you loose it may be a payoff for rumor mongers. When you handle it calmly, it takes the entertainment out of the situation.
4. Do not argue with people who are delusional. When the person spreading the rumors is delusional, it will not do any good to argue with them. They will take the arguing as confirmation that the rumor was correct.
5. Before taking action, count the cost of intervention. In some cases, ignoring the situation may be a better course of action than a high drama confrontation. Rumors are always made worse when those involved are bosses or superiors.
6. Make sure the relationship with your spouse is secure. If the relationship is not in good shape, rumors of an affair could create problems. It is not unheard of that some rumor mongers spread rumors just to split marriages up.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
One Response
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