By nature, we as human avoid pain. The avoidance of pain also extends to our relationships. The avoidance of pain often interferes with the ability to confront and deal with affairs. Some couples are aware of their spouses affairs yet refuse to say anything, claiming they do not want to ‘upset’ things. They want to maintain their own personal peace rather than confront what is happening in front of them. In such cases, the behavior is not ‘denial’ per se. True denial occurs without people being aware of it. In these cases, they are aware that they are not confronting what is going on. The intentionally avoid any kind of confrontation.
There are many reasons for not confronting the affair-related issues. Each of these reasons accomplish the same purpose: “to keep the peace”. Even though the peace is imagined, they would rather have that and suffer in silent desperation than to openly address the affair.
It seems odd, but there are some people that know about the affair, but are not ready to confront their spouse yet. It is as if they have come to grips with the issue intellectually, yet are not ready to take action or to allow the full emotional impact to take effect.
If you are one of these people, you are not alone. There are others who suffer in desperation, preferring to ‘keep it to themselves’ rather than to address the issue.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
