Some of you may have spouses that have not cheated, yet have wayward eyes. They ‘undress with their eyes’ and view what they do as ‘no big deal.’ They may say that they are window shopping or pose the question “What does it hurt to look?”. The question they pose is worth considering. They have not had an affair, nor have slept with anyone. With them not having crossed the line of physical involvement, they justify what they are doing as ‘no big deal’. In many cases, it is not a ‘big deal’. Such behavior is not a deal-breaker in marriages. What is a concern is what such actions say about where their heart is. Is their heart with you or with their own gratification? They may never cross over the line to where an affair happens. Even though they may not have crossed any lines or done anything wrong, they are making themselves vulnerable.
With each leer and fantasy they construct in their minds, they are that much more vulnerable to an affair. All a potential lover needs to do is to trigger or activate one of those affairs in their head, and your spouse’s resistance will start falling apart. Since you often do not know what is in your spouse’s mind and heart, you do not know whether looking and leering will hurt. They may call it flirting as a way to make it more tolerable. Even in such cases, how many relationships began with playful flirting? If an affair presented itself in its true colors proclaiming “How about having a fling with me? It will cost you your health, marriage, reputation and family. It will emotionally bankrupt you and hurt you financially. Think about it, all this misery for 15-20 months of sexual pleasure after which I will either dump you or you will dump me.” If lovers took such an approach, it would be more honest, but there would be fewer takers. Instead, affairs often start with a look or touch and proceed form there. “What does it hurt to look?” more than you may think.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
