Many readers have been asking for me to address the issue of porn as it relates to affairs. It’s one of those relationships that people talk about existing, yet is rarely examined in a critical manner.
Although there are many dangers, I’ll have to limit my focus to one at a time. Today, the focus is on how porn manipulates you.
Porn brings stimulation. The channel of that stimulation varies to some degree. Most are stimulated visually, yet there are some consumers who are stimulated in auditory or kinesthetic channels.
Although the pathways to stimulation differ, the end product of being turned on or stimulated is the same. When in a state of arousal, you are easily manipulated and programmed.
When aroused, the porn points you either to higher states of arousal, or in the direction of affairs and other immoral acts as a way of enjoyment of the arousal. The porn trains the brain of the consumer.
Porn directs desires in pre-determined directions. Your brain just wants to stay ‘turned on’. With porn sending you in pre-determined directions, your brain starts viewing those directions as ‘acceptable’ even though your morals say otherwise.
Porn also wants more customers. This is why porn movies ratchet up the extreme sexual acts as the movie continues. Once the viewer is aroused, they make the more extreme acts look exciting and enticing.
Affairs and extreme sexual behaviors are presented as acceptable ways of enjoying arousal. The porn directs the consumers into increasingly extreme acts.
You brain processes it in terms of “If it feels that good, it must be good” rather than what’s acceptable or unacceptable. It manages twisting ‘bad’ behavior into something that is intense and enjoyable.
The intensity of the arousal overrides your moral training and upbringing. This is why porn consumers find themselves considering engaging in behaviors and acts they morally oppose.
When your brain is aroused, it’s vulnerable to re-programming that changes what is considered good and bad. When aroused, the porn presents immoral sexual acts as acceptable ways of handling arousal, including affairs.
So this means that when the cheater is aroused, they’ll seek out ways of handling their arousal that they have been trained to do. When there’s enough porn training, they go in that direction without even thinking about consequences or outcomes.
What matters in the world of porn is sensual gratification more than doing the right thing.
What is “Good” becomes what brings enjoyable sensations rather than what is pro-social or beneficial to others or the family.
This is just the start of a conversation about porn and its effects on your marriage and brain. Moving past it involves relapse plans in a similar manner to affairs. The fantasies that drove the affair remain long after the affair is over.
That’s the reason the fantasies need to be dealt with as part of relapse prevention. In the video, “Overcoming Affair Relapse” you’ll find other ways of dealing with these kinds of issues. That video, along with others dealing with Affair Trauma, and other affair related issues are available to members of the support community at Restored Lifestyle. Join the community and the conversation.
Best Regards,
Jeff
