When cheaters are caught or in the midst of being disagreed with, they often say things to you to stop the disagreement. They often use ploys on you designed either to denigrate you (“You don’t know what you are talking about!”, “You are so stupid!”, or something of that ilk) or pressure you into their way of looking at things with comments like “Let’s be reasonable!”. When they want you to be ‘reasonable’ or accuse you of being ‘unreasonable’, it is typically a ploy made to sound like they are being more mature or intellectual than you. The ‘reasonable’ ploy is often designed to keep the argument from going to extremes or steering it from an area the cheater does not want to deal with. by using the term reasonable, they sound like they are being adult about the whole situation.
Reason itself is man’s way of understanding the world. When reason is applied to affairs, it is like apples and oranges. Affairs are driven by passion and emotion. When a behavior is driven by passion and emotion, it is not reason-driven. It is when cheaters are caught or uncomfortable that they want to change gears and talk in terms of reason. Dealing with passion and emotion are issues they often want to avoid addressing with you. By switching gears to reason, they try to change the rules of how the two of you address issues.
The reasonable ploy often makes you look like you are being extreme, judgmental and intolerant. The ploy is designed to do that. It is designed to shut down or limit the conversation so that they do not have to face unpleasant issues. Had the cheater been ‘reasonable’ in the first place, they would have never had the affair.
When the cheater says “Let’s be reasonable!”, they are really saying, “I want you to see things my way and agree with me” or “I do not want to deal with your emotions, so I am putting limits on what we talk about and how far the discussion goes”.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
