Two of the barriers that keep people from dealing with the affairs in their marriages are pride and shame. Although there are many in America and the world that talk about ‘free sex’ and being sexually liberated, the reality is that in the aftermath of an affair, there is shame and guilt. They can rationalize the actions taken, but the feelings remain. Those feelings still need to be dealt with. The shame touches everyone that was a part of the affair situation. The lover, the adulterer, the resolute spouse, and the families of each of them. So although the adulterer may rationalize their actions and tell themselves “It was between consenting adults. It didn’t involve anyone else.” The reality is that the damage done by an affair affects more than the two parties engaged in their activities.
Besides the shame from what happened, there is the pride. Many people think that their marriage or family would never have an affair. When an affair does happen, the sudden shock is hard to accept and admit. The affair is often seen as a personal attack. It is not just the adulterer that has difficulty admitting what happened, the resolute spouse and the family often have difficulty admitting what occured.
Affairs (cheating, infidelity, fooling around, sleeping around, whoremonegering, etc.) are painful. No matter how much rationalizing or making of excuses is done, they are painful. The pain runs deep and it effects more than just the people involved.
More on dealing with pride and shame in an upcoming post.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
