There are times that you may read articles or hear people tell you their story about how they discovered that they were married to a man that had another wife. The sudden discovery of the other wife is often surprising to them. When I have sat down with those people, they report having seen many of the signs of an affair with the late hours, frequent traveling, etc., but they never thought much of it. From their responses, it became clearer that those spouses did not want to see the signs of an affair. Their mind noted the oddities, but it was unacceptable to them to consider that their spouse was having an affair.
In many cases, the signs and symptoms of an affair are there in front of them, yet they choose not to act on those signs of an affair. The mere thought of an affair is ‘unacceptable’ to them, so they are literally blind to seeing the signs of an affair. Some of you may have been blind to signs of an affair. Problems can occur at either extreme, from seeing everything as a sign to not seeing any signs. Both extremes will stress a marriage relationship.
This is why I included a chapter in my book on ‘telling yourself the truth’. It is often hard to do, but is necessary in coming to grips with what is ‘actually’ going on. In order to get through the affair, you will have to have rigorous honesty with yourself. (The rigorous honesty with the cheater comes later. If you bring that honesty into the relationship too soon, there can be problems).
The truth is actually more like, “You knew something was going on, but did not want to admit that he was having an affair (or was married already).
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
