The question “does an affair make you a bad parent?” is challenging to consider. If you ask a judge, although they may tell you that an affair does not make you a bad parent, when it comes time for custody, the reality is that if you are a woman, the affair often adversely impacts custody decisions, while for men, it does not seem to matter. Regardless of what your moral stand is on the question, the reality of courtroom decisions is a serious matter to consider. You can bring in all kinds of psychological experts to testify otherwise, yet when the custody choice is made, you are at the whim of the judge. If you are a man and are before a man-hating female judge, you have some potential problems. Yes, justice is supposed to be blind, and judges are supposed to be impartial. I have news for you. The courts are filled with people who have feelings, issues and biases that often have more bearing on the case than what your experts will ever say. It is those people, with all their biases, prejudices and opinions that will be deciding what happens, not some ‘unbiased’ family psychology expert.
In my own mind, you made choices. Choices about what is important. Those choices were likely made due to the kind of thinking which is often referred to as ‘stinkin’ thinkin’ of “I want what I want, when I want and how I want it”. That kind of thinking leads to poor choices, both in terms of affairs and parenting. So does that kind of thinking make me bad? No, yet the longer you embrace that kind of thinking the more bad choices you will end up making. You may need to change your thinking before you find yourself in front of a judge who will make choices about you for you.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
