You have likely heard cheaters use loneliness as an excuse for an affair. By citing loneliness it makes it sound like they only wanted some companionship. Loneliness also takes the attention off of sex. The paradox of using loneliness as an excuse is that when a cheater has an affair, it puts them deeper into a state of emotional alienation. In other words an affair increases the internal state of loneliness, even though they may have some wonderful arm candy or a pretty face looking across the table at them. Affairs generally increase the pain of loneliness rather than decrease it.
The cure for loneliness is with improved connection and communication with your spouse. Trying to replace your spouse with someone else to satiate the discomfort of loneliness pushes you further away from your spouse and increases the isolation that accompanies loneliness. This is not double speak, it is a description of the paradox involved with using loneliness as an excuse for an affair.
Affairs will not fix loneliness. If you are honest, an affair will satiate sexual urge. An affair will provide companionship for a time. An affair will give you some excitement. An affair will do many things, but it will not reduce loneliness. It will not improve the intimacy in your marriage. It will not make you more trustworthy, and it will not improve wholesome reputations.
There are far more negatives associated with an affair than there are positives. For more on affairs, you may want to consider my e-book, “Why wasn’t I Enough?”, where I deal with the most frequently asked questions concerning affairs.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
