Part of your marriage vows likely included the promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ your spouse. Let us look at the ‘honor’ portion of your vows. Have you ever considered what it means to ‘honor’ someone? In some part of the world, not understanding honor can be a matter of life or death. Many women along with some men have been killed for issues related to honor. In the United States, the word ‘honor’ has been in the news. There are calls issued to ‘honor’ this person or that person. With all this talk about honor, what does it mean and how does it relate to affairs?
The definitions of honor cover a wide spectrum of behavior and attitude. At one extreme is ‘reverence’ or worship, through various degrees of holding in dignity, thinking the best of someone all the way through paying ones debts and treating the person being honored with civility. When a word has such a broad definition, it is easy to see why not everyone agrees as to what it means to honor someone. At the minimum, to honor means to treat them civilly and pay them what you owe them. When you do that, you are honoring them. It would be hard to hold your spouse in dignity when they have cheated on you, much less to consider them noble. Their actions have already sullied their reputation. When reputations have been sullied, it is hard to regain them or treat the cheater who dirtied themselves with high regard. In my mind, within the context of the marriage vow, you always think the best of your spouse as well as you can. When they have defiled themselves, you at least treat them civilly, whether they deserve it or not. They may not have honored you, or given you what you are due. Had they done that, then they would be considered ‘noble’.
So how does honor relate to affairs? It means that you still need to be civil with the cheater. Revenge may feel good and it may be deserved. You will need to hold your desire for revenge in check. It also means that when your spouse has not just broken, but shattered their vows to you, they can not count on you holding them in the highest regard or thinking the best or giving them the benefit of the doubt. Those items are reserved for spouses who have fulfilled their vows.
Affairs bring dishonor. Affairs dishonor your marriage and dishonor you. Handling yourself honorably can keep unsubstantiated false claims about affairs from ruining you. Honor is also something that you give before you demand it. As harsh as it seems, there are many people who can not handle honor. They may demand it, but when it comes to handling it, they ‘cast their pearls before the swine’. Instead of treating you with high regard, they drag you and them into the mud pit.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
