Since cheaters often lie, it will help you to understand the ‘world of lies’. In the world of lies, words become mere tools. They are no longer about truth. Truth becomes relative. The liar often tells you what you want to hear. Liars will tell you many things to escape the ‘pain of the moment’. That pain may be embarrassment, shame, guilt, etc. Whatever type of discomfort either they are you are feeling, the liar has the solution. In their mind, the solution consists of saying the right words to make it better. It is a magical world where with just the right words, you can suddenly make things change or go away.
When you are a person who operates under the idea that words are to be about what is true, dealing with a liar has many challenges. With their mutability, they are often changing their story and telling of it. The frequent changes make it hard to know what is ‘the truth’. They will often tell you just enough so that you choose to believe something that isn’t so. When you believe something that isn’t so, they believe that “it’s your fault” for choosing to assume and believe something that is not so. Even though they mislead you, they believe that if you fall for it, the problem is yours. Liars often operate on the assumption that the onus lies with you to ask the “right” questions or to know what parts of their story to believe. They assume that you have the responsibility to cut through their deception and bull rather than them having the responsibility to tell you the truth.
Cheaters often live in a world of lies, surrounded by others who also live in a world of lies. The lover lies, they lie and both assume that you lie as well. The cheater often chooses to believe the deception along with the lover who jointly shares the deception with them. It is a very “Emperor’s New Clothes” or “Matrix” type of phenomena. When you come along questioning them, and demanding truth, they may wonder why you are such a ‘kill joy’ for ruining their deception. They may even engage in a taunting game of ‘keep away’ with you where instead of the object being sought being a ball, it is the truth.
Knowing how this world of lies operates can provide you with a map you can use to navigate your way through the lies without thinking that you are loosing your mind.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
