Although theology is not typically a topic commonly discussed when it comes to affairs, it is of critical importance. When your pastor or priest does not have their house in order when it comes to theology, it could endanger your marriage.
Since you often turn to pastors and priests when you are vulnerable and going through tough times, their influence is substantial. If your pastor subscribes to the idea that ‘everything is emotions,’ including the spiritual aspect of daily life, they justify just about anything in the name of emotions.
In such cases, affairs are only about emotions, and people falling prey to them. In such cases, sin or bad choices are viewed as being ‘too harsh’ of terms to use regarding affairs.
If you are under a pastor who holds to the theology that pastors are ‘above the law’ and can do what they want, you may be setting yourself or your spouse to be taken advantage of.
This mindset often comes from them holding to their having a special position and privilege status, since they are ‘God’s agent’ or have ‘special anointing’ that allows them to do such things.
Those holding these ideas often indulge in many indiscretions, yet dismiss it as either God’s will or something about how you need to submit to their authority.
Another potential damaging type of pastor are those who ‘demand’ you tell them all the details of the affair. In such cases, they take a voyeuristic glee in all the details. These types are merely vicariously enjoying the affair rather than helping you through what happened and repairing your marriage.
There are also pastors who believe that everyone needs to be forgiven and loved, including the lover and the cheater. Under their leadership, you may find yourself being made to feel guilty because you do not tolerate what the cheater did.
Although they may need to be forgiven, what they did needs to be acknowledged and repented of before pressure is put on you to forgive. The betrayal must be dealt with before restoration is attempted.
Putting an emphasis on restoration and forgiveness before repenting and turning from the affair is akin to putting the cart before the horse. If such pastors were exercising church discipline, they would cut the cheater off from fellowship until there was repentance.
Although many pastors know that is what they are ‘supposed’ to do, they fear doing so, since it may offend many of those in their churches.
These are just a few examples of how bad theology makes for bad choices, especially regarding your marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeff
