There are times when you may find yourself dealing with what is commonly referred to as “Mid-Life Crisis“. This typically occurs when a person hits mid-life and also at the decade markers in their life (e.g. 30, 40, 50, 60).
On hitting these decade markers, many men review their lives or make changes. In some men the review may start at the decade marker, with them making changes either a few years before or after the marker years.
You will find that some men make radical abrupt changes is parts of their lives. They may take up hobbies or interests that seem to be ‘out of the blue’.
The majority of these changes are often ways of balancing out their lives. When they have been focused in one area while ignoring another, they make sudden changes to compensate for neglecting areas of their lives.
In many ways, they are seeking a type of balance or ‘homeostasis’. Such changes are a routine part of development. It is only a matter that some men make more radical changes than others.
As part of these changes, there is an increased risk of affairs. They may feel like they have neglected or denied a part of their lives, and view an affair as a way of ‘balancing out’ that part.
They may view the affair as allowing themselves to partake in something that they had denied themselves before. The desire for balance in their lives is natural, the choice to consider an affair as a way to achieve that is not.
The problem is one faced by many men, the proposed idea of using an affair to achieve balance (or find what is missing, etc.) is not natural. Cheater and potential cheaters entertain the desire of having an affair. They use the natural re-evaluation periods as an excuse to convince themselves to ‘go for it‘.
So what does this mean for you? It means you will have to separate out the natural re-evaluation of their lives and need for balance from the choice of an affair.
Lumping them together and attacking that lump is not a good approach. You may need to join with them in exploring other options. Your spouses needs are real.
They will need your attention. The choice of considering an affair is a manufactured or contrived solution than needs to be discouraged.
For more information, see the e-book, “Why He Cheats“. The ebook goes in greater details on this subject.
Best Regards,
Jeff
