When I saw a query the other day asking “Would an affair partner be led to the Lord by the offended spouse?“, it started me thinking. There are a plethora of issues surrounding a question you may be asking like this.
First, there are many lovers who are Christian, or at least profess to be. A perusal of the stories of many of the lovers at Shesahomewrecker.com provides you with ample accounts of that happening.
Perhaps even in your community.
A lover’s value system may be what they profess, but it may not necessarily be the one that they live by. It is not a surprise that the values they espouse are not what they always live.
As humans, we often fail to live by the value system we claim.
In the case of lovers, they are seeking companionship and are in a state of desperation. When in desperation, lovers seek companionship first and then worry about value systems, and morals later.
They may be what they claim to be, yet in their state of pain, they’re desperately grabbing onto anyone who can love them back, or even provide them with the fantasy of being loved back for who they are.
Since the main purpose of this blog is helping those of you struggling with an affair, I will keep the focus with that in mind. When an affair happens, you will have many things to consider.
Questions about the spiritual status of the lover is not the main thing to be concerned with. In theory, yes, they could be ‘led to the Lord’ by you.
In reality, you have bigger concerns to focus on when your spouse has an affair. You need to be more concerned about the spiritual status of you and your spouse at that time.
You need to focus on protecting the sanctity of your family. Taking care of what has been given to you takes precedence over taking care of what has not been given to you.
Even Jesus saw to it that his family responsibilities were addressed, before the completion of his crucifixion. The concern for others is very altruistic, and sounds noble.
Despite sounding noble, you need to take care of first things first. You will need to take care of concerns within your own family FIRST before those outside of your family.
Even in the airline crash instructions, you’re told to take care of yourself first, before trying to help others. There’s wisdom in taking that approach during crisis situations like an affair.
When an affair happens, it’s not unusual that your values and priorities are confused. Wanting to take care of others is often a way of taking care of yourself or to take your mind off of your own hurts.
There’s a time and place for reaching out to others. The immediate aftermath of an affair is not that time.
Perhaps once the issues concerning the affair are settled, then you may find yourself where you can reach out to the lover. It would take a lot of love and forgiveness to do so.
I find that most people have enough to deal with just forgiving the cheater, and themselves along with working through their own relationship issues and the spiritual concerns with it without taking on the welfare of the lover.
They also need to repair the damage in their own family (kids, parents, etc.) before ‘fixing’ those outside of the family. It could be done, although I see such a question as more of a ‘hypothetical’ query than one that should be of concern.
The problem with such hypothetical concerns is that they take up large amounts of time and emotional energy that should instead be directed toward their own family. That is part of the problem with the cheater in the first place.
They directed their concern toward those outside of the family rather than inside the family and you see where that took the family. To attempt fixing an affair with MORE of such misplaced thinking and misplaced priorities often asks for even more heartache and trouble. when done at the wrong time.
If you focus on such questions, it can be a real drain on resources rather than facing the more pressing issues needing your attention.
Best Regards,
Jeff
