When it comes to affairs, cheaters don’t see themselves or what they did as ‘evil’. Many times the lovers also don’t see themselves as evil. If you are the betrayed spouse, you don’t view yourself as ‘evil’.
Instead, affairs are referred to as ‘mistakes’ or ‘lapses in judgement’, or the cheater’s way of finding love or finding themselves. They find many ways of toning down what they did and the impact it has on others and on you.
You will find that many lovers do not want to see themselves as evil either. They don’t want to see what they did as ‘evil’ or that their intentions are evil.
Even when you focus on the results of what they did by referring to them as ‘homewreckers‘ they may deny it. Just the term, ‘homewrecker’ is filled with emotional connotations.
They may admit that what they did led to damage. In some cases, they may go so far as to admit that your home was wrecked, yet they often stop way short of connecting what they did with ‘evil‘.
Society itself has problems with the whole idea of evil. The problem is so prevalent, that they do not even want to mention the word evil, unless it is to sell movies, art, or music.
Evil is acceptable in those circumstances, but frowned upon when associated with real people and real behaviors.
When it comes to affairs, evil becomes a stumbling block. Not all cheaters and lovers are evil.
They may be confused, impulsive or have issues with sexual addictions. That doesn’t mean that they or evil or have evil intentions.
Although most cheaters and their lovers are not ‘evil’, there are some that are. In previous posts, I have made reference to such people who intentionally break up marriages and look for married partners to prey upon as “poachers“.
Not all poachers are ‘evil’ although they leave lots of damage in their wake. Some poachers do fall into the category of being evil. When the poacher sets out to take your spouse, they are evil.
When the lover seeks replacing you as a spouse, their intention is evil.
Some cheaters who intentionally hook-up with a poacher or would-be poacher with the intent of leaving or destroying the marriage are definitely under evil influence.
In my mind, evil is the term for those whose intention is destruction, corruption, loss and pain. Those whose whole intention is the destruction of a marriage, or the moral and sexual corruption of a spouse, or using the affair to exploit or blackmail others all qualify as ‘evil’ in my book.
They may hide their actions by saying they just wanted the cheater to be happy or fulfilled. Another popular ploy is claiming their intention was to have ‘fun’.
Either way, what they did was evil. No matter what the intent, the results were destructive.
Modern society wants the definition of evil to be when there’s a malicious intent. With such a definition, if they didn’t intend to be destructive or inflict pain, etc, they’re let off the hook and their evil acts are ‘re-defined’.
This also shows the influence of using legal definitions in referring to moral behaviors.
Some of those who are evil will admit it. The tricky ones are those who do evil, yet claim that their intentions were honorable. They destroyed your marriage, yet, they only wanted the lover to be ‘happy’.
By claiming good intentions, they manage escaping the label of ‘evil’. They may tell you, it was for the good of the children, for the good of society, or even for their own good. Anything to keep from admitting what they did was ‘evil’.
In my mind, this is part of their denial. By denying their evil intentions, they manage to never have to face that they truly are an evil person.
In dealing with evil, you will have to confront it when you see it. You will have to call it for what it is.
No matter how they dress up what they did, if it was evil, refer to it as evil. When you call it for what it is, you begin cutting through delusions and lies. This kind of honesty often hurts, yet it is the kind you need for healing to occur.
Yes, there are evil people. They need to be confronted in order to change.
Best Regards,
Jeff
