Those of you who are in the ministry know how an affair damages your reputation and at times your ministry as a whole. Pastors and ministers do have affairs. What makes a difference is how you deal with them. People will be watching your actions and your attitude. You may be doing the right thing, but if it is done with the wrong attitude, it comes to naught. Likewise, you may have the right attitude, yet do not follow through with action to correct what happened. The public will be looking at you, how you treat your spouse, and how you deal with your family.
Since the ministry is often engulfing, a common occurrence is that ministers end up putting their ministries ahead of their families. When spouses and family are spurned and find themselves playing second fiddle to your ministry, it creates the same kind of damage as an affair. You may not have slept with someone else, yet your ministry becomes a mistress, and your family suffers.
A second danger is that of people coming to you during times of emotional vulnerability. Those admiring looks are often hard to resist. The situation can easily become sexualized. The public often admires a minister. That admiration often carries a high risk of affairs developing. You may view yourself as ‘above’ temptation, yet many that have been stronger that you and in the ministry before you have fallen in such situations. Know your limits. Know when to run. Know when to admit and confess errors in judgement or when you need help.
An affair does not automatically mean that your ministry days are over. It does mean that you have some things to clean up, including yourself. Affairs will impact your ministry, but it does not have to mean that all is over, unless the affair was so cavalier and so outrageous that there is no confession or apology to repair what has happened. Even when the damage is extreme, there are often other positions in the ministry which you can help. You may have to change your role and step out of the spotlight.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
