Whether or not there was an affair, whether or nor there were accusations of an affair, whenever there are trust issues in a marriage, they need your attention. Trust issues don’t go away with time, they don’t just blow away, they don’t disappear on their own.
If there are trust issues in your marriage, they need your attention. They need to be dealt with.
There are many things causing trust issues. There could have been childhood abuse, someone you dated who was a psychopath, growing up in a home filled with addiction issues, being the victim of rape or robbery.
The list of the causes goes on. There are many possible causes, which you may or may not have had any control over. Those issues may lie dormant for years until an affair triggers them.
When the trust issues hit your marriage, you may have had nothing to do with the cause, but now you are faced with doing something about it. You have to find a ways of dealing with the effects.
The trust issues impinge on your marriage. Like an unwanted guest, those issues show up in the most awkward times and places.
One place to start dealing with them is considering what you and your spouse are doing “NOW”. By emphasizing the ‘now’ aspect, you begin separating whatever is going on from the past.
There’s always an on-going drama happening in your head. By emphasizing the now, that conversation is disrupted. There will always be some bleed through, which needs attention on a case by case basis.
In some cases, it helps reassuring you and your spouse where you are and who you are with. These reminders function as anchors.
Emotions hit you in waves. Trust issues often overwhelm when they hit. You need an anchor exercise to remind you of things.
Anchors help with ocean waves, they also help with waves of emotions that come with trust issues.An anchor is a reminder that keep you in a safe place. No matter if the waves are high or fast, you remain connected to the reminder.
Being reminded who you are with and where you are, keeps the issues behind the trust from confusing past and present. It also keeps those who hurt from those who help and fear from love.
These simple methods of “the now” and “anchoring” will help stabilize the trust issues. Once they are stable, you have a place to begin.
If you need help with trust issues, the video “How Can I Trust You Again?” guides you through those challenges.
Trust can be restored when you know what the requirements of trust are.
Best Regards,
Jeff
