A blog reader wrote, “I used to have misinformed notions of what it must like to be a porn star, or and also the traditional notions of being hypersexual.” It was such a striking statement that I had to read and re-read it several times partly for the weird wording and partly to understand what was being said.
The more I read about how he ‘used to have misinformed notions’ makes me wonder if the writer now knows what it’s like being a porn star. It’s not the first time I’ve encountered the porn star fantasy among some cheaters. For some reason, the idea of being such a star appeals to them. They think that they want a life filled with the sexual acts they see porn stars engage in. This is problematic in today’s society where so many people have been pornified. At that point, I realized they ‘drank the Kool-aid’ and bought the fantasy being peddled in the adult entertainment world.
It reminds me of how the therapist Emily Brown said “Pornography is more of a hallucination than a fantasy”. It amounts to them entering another world of irrational behaviors. Having worked with some porn stars, what happens is far different from the fantasy being sold of hedonistic women and hot men always available for cheating. They have their challenges in separating ‘acting’ from actual affairs and infidelity. It isn’t as glamorous or fun as it looks.
They call what they do ‘acting’ as a way of compartmentalizing what they did. Many behaviors are excused by calling it acting and thinking you are just fulfilling a role. In referring to it as acting, it removes the moral and guilt issues. By calling it acting and approaching what they do mechanically, they split off parts of their conscience.
If they woke up to the full reality of what they were doing, there would be fewer porn stars. For every person who makes star status, there are many used and abused performers who’ve been cast aside along the way. Sadly, many people do not see this dark side of the industry.
Sleeping with people other than your spouse is cheating. That’s the reality of what they’re doing.
Many of the stars and performers couldn’t do what they do if it were not for chemical additives. The additives are what make their actions possible. What you see on the screen is artificially enhanced. Behind the scenes, it’s a different story. The reality of their personal lives is often far from glamorous and filled with constant pressure to maintain their image, perform on demand, and deal with drug addiction.
Unfortunately, many people don’t understand the reality of the situation and take what they see as truth. They think that everyone in porn is having a great time and it’s all fun and games. That notion couldn’t be further from the truth. Many performers suffer from depression, anxiety, substance abuse problems and are dealing with emotional issues. The list of those in the adult industry who killed themselves continues growing. If it brought happiness, then you would assume there would be more happy people in the industry.
As a counselor, the question of sexual addiction goes through my mind in this lifestyle. I suppose telling yourself you want to be a porn star is more palatable to your conscience than saying “I want to be a sex addict“.
The common way some of you deal with trauma, like that of an affair is plunging deeper into sexual activity. When sex is used as a way of fixing your hurts or loneliness, there are better answers. If you’re struggling with such issues or your spouse is, there’s hope. In the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma” you’ll gain tools for starting recovery.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
