An affair with a sex addict is quite a roller coaster ride. Although such an experience is exciting and stimulating, it takes you beyond your limits. Many times, like a wild roller coaster ride, all you can do is strap yourself in.
Since addictions involve extremes in behavior, having an affair with a sex addict will take you to extremes. Bear in mind that they are using you to achieve a sex-fueled adrenaline high.
In their actions, you become nothing more than a commodity used for their enjoyment. They may say things about you being important to them, but that is just their charm speaking.
You are merely the tool they are using to put their brain and emotions in high gear. By necessity, an affair with a sex addict is exciting. They thrive on the excitement. The more exciting, dangerous and spontaneous the sex, the greater the high they experience. Each of these has an adrenaline rush, which adds to their high.
They may even bring in additional people or use choking as methods of increasing the level of excitement.
After the high comes the low. There will be mood swings in the relationship. If you are looking for stability in a relationship, you will be disappointed. The old saying in the recovery community is ‘Addicts don’t have relationships…they take hostages.”
As you go through the extremes, you’ll feel like a hostage. Things around you will be extreme and you’ll feel powerless to do anything about them. You may not even be allowed permission to leave the relationship, either directly or through threats.
The lows are as extreme as the highs. They may even avoid contact or tell you they hate you during the lows. They may hate themselves or what they did.
The low is painful. The sex addict will do something to self-medicate and get themselves out of the low. This often leads to repeating the cycle again.
There will be plenty of excitement, but not much stability. When things get slow, they get bored. Boredom is painful for a sex addict. They feel that life is going by in the ‘slow lane’ when they are dealing with routines.
The very nature of sexual addiction is about keeping their brain ‘turned on’. The more channels of activity, the better. They literally believe in living life in the ‘all systems GO mode’, with little to no regard for consequences or burning out.
They are often very charming as well. They have learned how to use their charm to get what they want. They may even tell you everything that you ever wanted to hear.
By telling you what you want to hear, they get what they want. Since sexual addicts depend on hooking up, out of necessity, they have a well developed social skill set in being persuasive.
The problem with the roller coaster ride you experience with a sex addict is that once you get on the ride, you get off when they decide, not you.
Living through such extremes is traumatizing. If you’ve been in a relationship with a sex addict, your own emotions are stressed. Going from one emotional extreme to another leaves scars. The faster you go through the extremes, the greater the likelihood of scars.
The longer you stay in the greater the risk of developing co-sex addiction behaviors yourself.
The scars of a relationship with a sex addict, go from sleeplessness and irritability to fearfulness, anxiety and stomach problems. The effects it leaves are your body are real. The damage done doesn’t fix itself.
If you’ve been traumatized, there’s hope. The video, “Dealing With Affair Trauma” guides you in moving past the trauma and the symptoms that go with it.
Best Regards,
Jeff
