Your affair may have taken place long ago, even years. Even though it happened long ago, that doesn’t mean that it can no longer do any damage. Past affairs, like dormant diseases can still spread and end up hurting you or your marriage.
You may have decided not to say anything about the affair to your spouse, using the old “let sleeping dogs lie” line of thinking. I know from living with dogs, that waking up sleeping dogs has it own set of consequences. There is some wisdom in not stirring things up that you do not have to.
Although the whole affair is quiet, it doesn’t mean that its effects are gone or no longer toxic. One of the dangers of old affairs is how it impacts your thinking and ability to address affair related issues objectively.
Perhaps you’re one of those rare people who have learned how to be objective and not let your affair color how you look at things, people and your marriage. Although you may be objective, most of the people with old affairs are not.
Old affairs have a way of creating a blind spot in your life. You may see all that is going on, but your ability to have emotional awareness of what all is going on around you is impaired. The hidden affair keeps you from seeing things or taking action.
Some of you may not have a blind spot. The other common effect is a hypersensitivity to affairs or those “on the prowl”. Having had an affair you may spot early signs of affairs before others do. It is as if you are tuned into the “Affair Radio Station”.
Make no mistake, affairs change you. You are not the person you once were. It is a mistake to assume that you are the same as you used to be. Part of your own recovery will be in accepting the scars from the affair and learning how to live with them.
If you have an old affair that hasn’t been dealt with, now is the best time to start working through it. The video “Help for the Cheater: starting the Road to Recovery” guides you through the challenges of disclosure.
That old affairs doesn’t have to remain a secret sitting in your life like an unexploded bomb. The sooner you deal with it, the sooner you and your spouse can heal from those wounds.
Best Regards,
Jeff
