One of the ploys used by cheaters is that of playing “helpless”. When the cheater does this, they act like things “just happened” and that they had little or no control. You may even hear phrases like “I couldn’t help myself” or “It just happened”.
If you hear them out, there’s a common theme that something occurred that was outside of their control. The only thing that varies is what is out of control.
In some cases it is the lover coming onto them, in other cases, it was the “Urge” that overpowered their will to resist. Some even try to blame the environment for their actions.
They talk as if the event or location was what dictated them having the affair. Each of these excuses put the ‘locus’ of control (e.g. the controlling force) on anyone or anything but themselves.
When the locus of control is not with them, they are assuming a position of helplessness. A variant of ‘helplessness’ is playing the role of victim.
There are some cases where the cheater is a victim, which you will have to handle differently than when the victim/helpless monologue is used in avoiding responsibility for anything that they said, thought or did.
When the cheater attempts using the helpless monologue on you, listen for the decision points. When it is your time to talk, visit each of the decision points with questions regarding “What could you have done?”
At first they may say nothing. As they get real and out of the helpless monologue, they will begin seeing that there were decision points, and that they did not handle them well.
Affairs are the outcome of a series of choices. They don’t just happen. Choices are made that make the affair possible.
When you have the cheater retell their story, with all the decision points, they will begin seeing new parts of the story they overlooked before. They will begin understanding what happened, how it happened and why it happened.
Listening to the cheater tell their story is an emotional challenge for some of you. Although it’s challenging, it’s necessary. I cover the importance of this part of recovery in the ‘Affair Recovery Workshop‘. The downloadable workshop guides you through this and other challenges you’ll encounter during affair recovery.
You can order and within minutes, you can start making things different. You no longer have to live in uncertainty when it comes to affair recovery.
With the workshop, you can have confidence in handling these situations and the others you’ll encounter. Each one you handle well or mishandle are going to either push the two of you closer together or further apart.
Best Regards,
Jeff
3 Responses
I woke up with this scripture running through my mind.
Psalm 127 King James Version (KJV)
127 Except the LORD build the house,
they labour in vain that build it:
In the situation my husband has brought about he too feels that he is ‘helpless’ and must create a ‘home’ and a ‘life’ apart from me and our family for the ‘sake’ of the children born of adultery.
The God of the Bible was even brought up as he said ‘If God knew I was going to cheat why did He ‘let’ you marry me?”
This idea that GOD controls EVERYTHING is a popular idea among even Christians. Unbelievers have the idea that everything ‘happens for a reason’ as if they too have no free will;
God made man in His image and Fallen man functions after the ‘image’ of Adam who rebelled and caused death to come into the world. Every person born dies and we all have to admit we know this. Even Jesus Christ died as He GAVE UP His life on the cross for the purpose of taking the sin of the world upon Himself and taking the due and just wrath of GOD upon Himself for anyone who will receive His sacrifice in their stead in the judgment of a just God upon sin.
Jesus Christ then ROSE from the dead which is the demonstration of His having reversed the curse for those who believe ON Him as their substitution in the judgment that God must carry out to continue to keep His promises.
Man was created with the capacity to make choices and God who is the Creator does not interfere with our freedom to do so.
The god of this world who scripture informs us is the devil will tempt man to sin. Through making a CHOICE to obey his flesh and the various pressures of the world to ACT upon thoughts that do not line up with the recorded Word of GOD and His will as it has been made available for us to KNOW it and then live BY it , man will open up his mind and life to more and more ‘suggestions’ through his thought life influenced by the world , the flesh and the devil.
God is not impotent to get His will fulfilled even as man in his fallen state may live by all that is around him and from within his own fallen mind that promotes and excuses his decisions to sin willfully. The ‘god of this world’ which is the devil …as such defined because he deceived Eve and Adam followed her with a DECISION against the knowledge and commandment GOD told him directly to avoid disobeying Him by way of taking from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
God’s commandments were being seen by Eve as prohibitive and restrictive rather than protective. A good reading and paying attention to deal in the chapters of Genesis that provide us with the record of the events and even the thought process of Eve in the second and third chapters reveal that Adam had been given all he needed to make a choice that would have avoided the consequences of the sin of rebellion.
Today people still have that freedom to choose UNLESS they choose to sin and do not repent , confessing their understanding of what they have to deal with is sin and then changing their minds or ‘repenting’ and seeking to follow after what GOD has provided for us to learn in His Word .
In His Word He has inspired men to write what He wanted recorded an they wrote in their own vocabulary what He wanted written. The evidence of this is found in the truth that the many writers were in various locations and over a great length of time yet their writings concur and agree. Prophesies written many years before their fulfillment came to pass and thus offer us assurance that those yet to be will also be fulfilled.
Num 23: 19 God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?
Prior to the complete fulfillment of a prophesy GOD would also bring to pass a partial fulfillment for the purpose of confirming that the prophesy was indeed HIS and not the vain imaginations of the prophet who spoke it . Thus also that prophet would not be put to death as death was the sentence against false prophets.
Today many speak what is not in line with the scriptures and many are being deceived who know not the scriptures nor the power of GOD as His Word reveals and demonstrates.
How can anyone know what GOD’S will and word says if they will not obey the command to study it as GOD has given us to do?
Blaming God for things that are the result of the Fall of man such as ‘natural disasters’ is only another form of man blaming GOD for man’s own acting upon sinful ideas and urges.
God will continue toward the execution of His will despite man’s doubts, rebellion and rejection of His Word.
We will either learn that the Word is truth by way of obedience and patient continuance in our seeking and applying that wisdom to our way of decision making and actions OR we will learn of it’s infallibility by way of sinning and getting just what consequences are set forth for us to heed as a warning.
God is not actively punishing anyone today as I understand it but man’s own decisions will bring forth a ‘crop’ . Good seed or decisions bring forth good ‘fruit’ and sinful one’s bring forth consequences. Actually as I have begun my walk in Christ it seems consequences are actually USEFUL to help us wake up to the truth that you can not “DO evil that good may come ‘ all of what is not built upon the solid Rock of truth found in all scripture will not result in what is lasting and true.
Like rebellious children man has many times chosen the way that pleases himself and his flesh at the expense of listening to a loving Father who has warned us.
When I read of the people who ‘stopped their ears’ upon hearing the Word expounded in the first century and how they ‘ran ‘ after trying to ‘kill the messenger’ even as GOD warned an wicked and rebellious people would do despite the patience that GOD has continued to hold back judgment upon a wicked and an evil world in rebellion to His Word and in rejection of His provision of a Savior of His OWN only begotten Son as a substitute for our sin….I cannot help but relate this to how a rebellious child tantrums to get his own way in spite of how what HE may want is deadly to him!
Today people are being led to regard the Bible as nothing more than an outdated book with antiquated ideas even as the consequences of living by a ‘new paradigm’ is proving to be disastrous.
As I began to write this I was observing my husband’s adamant effort to ‘build a house…’ a ‘home’ that is illegitimate for the purpose of having a haven to influence the children of his adultery whenever he can get them . He thinks this is sufficient to guarantee the outcome of their lives by offering them this ‘false’ FORM of family and life based upon his desire to ‘do right’ and in accordance with the Humanist form of “family’ that is abounding now in all kinds of perversions.
God is the one who ‘invented’ marriage and nothing HE has made is without a distinct purpose to glorify Himself and to provide and protect the children for becoming a ‘godly seed’, trained up by the fathers to respect GOD and His Words.
The world has turned drastically away from GOD with all kinds of ‘forms’ of family being lauded while the God of the Bible and His ways are being attacked as never before.
People who claim Christ remain in many ways ignorant of what the Bible and GOD’S intentions are because many churches are being persuaded that they do not need to heed the Bible in terms of Doctrine, but are being positioned to become the NEW religious body which in it’s agreement to live by feelings and experiences and ignore the scriptures as the Word of GOD
The “foundation” being doctrine based upon the Apostles and prophets as scriptures prove are those who are now dead , having been first as any foundation for a building would be completed first …all scripture GOD BREATHED and is PROFITABLE FOR DOCTRINE….
How skewed the ‘foundations’ of many lives and churches are becoming due to being persuaded by stealthy ministers of darkness who have taken up the pulpits and literature of the day to turn people from those precious pages of truth!
Today many generations now have been led to have a weak view of the scriptures if any regard at all. Still if one has become a child of GOD THROUGH THE KNOWLEDGE of the Lord and being born again of His spirit by way of the incorruptible seed which is HIS WORD received and believed…then they are what scripture says is ‘a child of GOD†.
The humanists calls all men ‘brothers’ and all people’ children of GOD ‘ yet Jesus Christ has a different understanding.
Matt 12: 48 But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren?
49 And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren!
50 For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.
When Jesus came the religious of that day were identifying their ‘brotherhood’ with their fleshly genealogy. Today the idea of the ‘brotherhood of man’ is based upon ideology that opposes the Father’s own definition of who are HIS children.
In truth all born after the fall are born of the ‘image of Adam’ which brings about death . Jesus Christ is the ‘second Adam’ by understanding scripture to say we need to be ‘born again’ not of the flesh but of the spirit of GOD which comes about was we believe and receive HIS WORD which testifies of Him.
The free will of man is still in play as men are given opportunity to seek GOD , who has promised if we will and then continue to allow His Word to direct our thoughts which will result in actions if we obey them our lives will be ‘transformed’ as we do so.
Those born again who ignore the command to study the Word and rightly divide it daily will find themselves with little to work with in making decisions based upon the Word and Will of GOD as we have been given.
The result of sinful choices is still disaster no matter how sincerely one may claim to believe IN God. Jesus told us that the ‘devils believe IN God and tremble’ They do not obey God by believing GOD and what HE has set forth which is TRUTH and is the solid basis for ‘building a house’
All effort to try to influence people for ‘good’ apart from what is in line with the whole testimony of God will fail in that effort.
It is recorded in the Old and New Testament many examples of people going about doing what is ‘right in their own eyes’ and the various consequences that occur.
God would not be true to His own character and word if it were any other way. He will not function according to man’s fleshly desires and whims. Man will not prosper in his efforts to establish life upon anything or anyone other than Jesus Christ.
So any desire to protect the children of adultery while insisting that he has no need to keep his marriage covenant vows will have futile results. Though many appear to ‘prosper’ due to the god of this world laying off them and continuing to ‘reward’ their efforts …sooner or later the structure of that life built upon ‘sand’ will fall.
It may take a while but even if it appears to be going along fine , if those in that way of living life apart from God never see their need for the Savior and never seek to know GOD they will find themselves in even a worse state when judgment time comes.
2 Peter 3: 9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
Yet there IS a DAY coming wherein GOD will judge those who have rejected His Word. All of what they have done as independent of Him will be examined and tested by fire. Those who are HIS having been born again but in rebellion and disobedient will have little that will survive this judgment. Those who have rejected the Savior outright will be cast down into the lake of fire.
Man has been given a lifespan in which time span he will prove his desire to know GOD or his desire to live by his own fleshly fallen will. The latter decision is allowed even as GOD will provide many many opportunities for a person to hear His Word and come out of the darkness of the ignorance of the state fallen man is in.
Today many who say they believe in God do not follow after the need to seek Him. Many are persuaded that GOD is in everything and everyone. Many do not believe there is a God or a devil. They are ignorant of the things GOD has provided for us to NOT be ignorant of and has commanded us to seek Him . He has promised that IF a person would seek Him they will find Him.
Heb 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
Jesus Christ warned us that there is a GREAT opposition, the devil and as the devil took the domain of the earth by deception and stealth from Adam who had been ordained to be the ‘keeper’ of it , ever since man who has been born into the dark and fallen world has been subjected to the effort of the devil , aka the ‘god of this world’ to turn him from seeking after the God who is the Creator.
Every false teaching and science ‘falsely so called’ is exposed by way of our willingness to be taught by the Word of GOD , the Bible. It is confirmed by infallible witnesses found throughout it’s content and seen all around those who ‘put on the lens of truth it provides’
It tells us of the truth of our state. We need the solid Rock of Jesus Christ who IS the WORD of GOD to learn all we need for life and godliness.
Matt 7: 24 Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:
25 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.
26 And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:
27 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.
It is not just for MY sake and our children that my husband should take heed to the Lord’s ORDER of jurisdiction but it is ultimately for the Lord’s sake . My husband thinks that now as he reads his Bible that his effort to raise those children up to learn and know God will produce what he wants to feel is ‘good’ . The problem I see from scripture is that his effort is based upon his own feelings and ideas. His actions demonstrate a denial of the need to keep his word to God in the area of our marriage vows.
In truth his actions are demonstrating that as long as someone does ‘good’ in the eyes of the world and culture that he is good.
God has set forth His standard for what is ‘good’ . It is Himself . Along with that He has set the rules for what constitutes marriage and family.
Today many people are led to believe that there are no consequences to doing what they want to do and then justifying it by way of some kind of rational. We see countless ‘casualties ‘ of what has been the result of blended families that resulted from marriages of people who have not had biblical ‘reason’ to divorce their first spouses which amounts to what the Lord defines as STILL living in adultery.
Blended families brought together which are not from divorces which have occurred from adultery having occurred or death, is in defiance of the will of GOD. Children have been solicited to agree to the normalizing of such arrangements and now we see a whole culture wherein the value of marriage has been all but destroyed and in it’s place are a mirage of ‘forms’ of marriage and family which are NOT .
Children do not learn as much from what we SAY as by what we DO. My husband is putting forth an example of what a man is, what a husband is, what a father is before children of his adultery AND our own by way of having abandoned his marriage duties with the exception of support of our financial needs. This too has been a ‘loss’ in terms of maintaining our home and all of the physical areas to keep it in good condition.
His ‘stealing’ of time , energy, and all ‘resources’ promised in his marriage vows has really STOLEN what GOD has designed to grow a man by way of the commands to MEN in how they are to live and in marriage how they must treat their wives with preference above all others . it is a reflection of the honor GOD demands for Himself not just for His own ‘ego’ but because in this order there is protection, and provision in all areas of life…heart, soul , mind, and strength.
My husband struggles under the weight of all of these responsibilities as he wants to appear to be a ‘good man’ but he is losing on all fronts. His pride and resistance to the way GOD has commanded and provided for a man to learn and live is bringing forth weak and inconsistent ‘results ‘ in every aspect of his life and thus effecting the lives of all he ‘cares’ about.
Though he has begun to read his Bible he is still in a state of resistance to the FIRST aspect of our relationship with GOD which is ‘repentance’ …a change of mind due to a change of heart.
In all of his decisions he is the one deciding what is ‘good and acceptable’ in opposition to what God’s Word counsels those who do desire to be pleasing unto Him.
Living in such a way is draining him of all of the resources that are needed to do the very things he wants to achieve.
I have been learning the truth that MAN …the gender specific man designed by GOD is indeed accountable in many ways women and children are not. This is because man is given the privilege to ‘represent ‘ Christ in marriage as the ‘head’ which is not an ‘overlord’ but is by definition’ one who goes before’ as in setting an example for those who are in his jurisdiction to follow.
It is indeed a huge responsibility which Satan has been pretty effective in convincing men that it is ‘too hard’ and ‘they deserve to please themselves’ both ideas are refuted and denied by God’s commands TO MEN.
The effort to destroy gender distinction is only one of the main ‘battle fronts’ against the created order of GOD with destruction of souls in mind.
Everything in our culture as in the world is upside down and backwards and it is only through an intentional effort to study the scriptures a 2 Tim 2 has recorded God’s heart for us that we learn over time how messed up things are and how God will set everything aright eventually but can and will right now in the life of one who is willing to submit to His Words and will.
James 4: James 4 King James Version (KJV)
4 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?
2 Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.
3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.
4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.
5 Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy?
6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.
7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.
9 Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness.
10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.
There is a posture of “humility†which is nothing more than a pretending , an appearance of face and possibly bodily position…all of which MAY be an outward indication of the effort to submit to an authority BUT it is not a guarantee of a true heart of humility nor that the authority one submits to is God’s intention.
To submit truly it is a condition of the heart that results in obedience. Obedience not feigned but out of an acknowledgment of God’s right and character which has proven to be true, reliable, and excellent.
Anything other than this recognition will not serve God nor our own decisions well and the outcome will be disappointing in the least and destructive at length if we will not ‘turn from our own ways’ to submit and follow the Lord who is THE way, The Truth and The life in all that we need and encounter.
I pray my the Lord will
I woke up with this scripture running through my mind.
Psalm 127 King James Version (KJV)
127 Except the LORD build the house,
they labour in vain that build it:
In the situation my husband has brought about he too feels that he is ‘helpless’ and must create a ‘home’ and a ‘life’ apart from me and our family for the ‘sake’ of the children born of adultery.
The God of the Bible was even brought up as he said ‘If God knew I was going to cheat why did He ‘let’ you marry me?”
This idea that GOD controls EVERYTHING is a popular idea among even Christians. Unbelievers have the idea that everything ‘happens for a reason’ as if they too have no free will;
God made man in His image and Fallen man functions after the ‘image’ of Adam who rebelled and caused death to come into the world. Every person born dies and we all have to admit we know this. Even Jesus Christ died as He GAVE UP His life on the cross for the purpose of taking the sin of the world upon Himself and taking the due and just wrath of GOD upon Himself for anyone who will receive His sacrifice in their stead in the judgment of a just God upon sin.
Jesus Christ then ROSE from the dead which is the demonstration of His having reversed the curse for those who believe ON Him as their substitution in the judgment that God must carry out to continue to keep His promises.
Man was created with the capacity to make choices and God who is the Creator does not interfere with our freedom to do so.
The god of this world who scripture informs us is the devil will tempt man to sin. Through making a CHOICE to obey his flesh and the various pressures of the world to ACT upon thoughts that do not line up with the recorded Word of GOD and His will as it has been made available for us to KNOW it and then live BY it , man will open up his mind and life to more and more ‘suggestions’ through his thought life influenced by the world , the flesh and the devil.
God is not impotent to get His will fulfilled even as man in his fallen state may live by all that is around him and from within his own fallen mind that promotes and excuses his decisions to sin willfully. The ‘god of this world’ which is the devil …as such defined because he deceived Eve and Adam followed her with a DECISION against the knowledge and commandment GOD told him directly to avoid disobeying Him by way of taking from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
God’s commandments were being seen by Eve as prohibitive and restrictive rather than protective. A good reading and paying attention to deal in the chapters of Genesis that provide us with the record of the events and even the thought process of Eve in the second and third chapters reveal that Adam had been given all he needed to make a choice that would have avoided the consequences of the sin of rebellion.
Today people still have that freedom to choose UNLESS they choose to sin and do not repent , confessing their understanding of what they have to deal with is sin and then changing their minds or ‘repenting’ and seeking to follow after what GOD has provided for us to learn in His Word .
In His Word He has inspired men to write what He wanted recorded an they wrote in their own vocabulary what He wanted written. The evidence of this is found in the truth that the many writers were in various locations and over a great length of time yet their writings concur and agree. Prophesies written many years before their fulfillment came to pass and thus offer us assurance that those yet to be will also be fulfilled.
Num 23: 19 God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?
Prior to the complete fulfillment of a prophesy GOD would also bring to pass a partial fulfillment for the purpose of confirming that the prophesy was indeed HIS and not the vain imaginations of the prophet who spoke it . Thus also that prophet would not be put to death as death was the sentence against false prophets.
Today many speak what is not in line with the scriptures and many are being deceived who know not the scriptures nor the power of GOD as His Word reveals and demonstrates.
How can anyone know what GOD’S will and word says if they will not obey the command to study it as GOD has given us to do?
Blaming God for things that are the result of the Fall of man such as ‘natural disasters’ is only another form of man blaming GOD for man’s own acting upon sinful ideas and urges.
God will continue toward the execution of His will despite man’s doubts, rebellion and rejection of His Word.
We will either learn that the Word is truth by way of obedience and patient continuance in our seeking and applying that wisdom to our way of decision making and actions OR we will learn of it’s infallibility by way of sinning and getting just what consequences are set forth for us to heed as a warning.
God is not actively punishing anyone today as I understand it but man’s own decisions will bring forth a ‘crop’ . Good seed or decisions bring forth good ‘fruit’ and sinful one’s bring forth consequences. Actually as I have begun my walk in Christ it seems consequences are actually USEFUL to help us wake up to the truth that you can not “DO evil that good may come ‘ all of what is not built upon the solid Rock of truth found in all scripture will not result in what is lasting and true.
Like rebellious children man has many times chosen the way that pleases himself and his flesh at the expense of listening to a loving Father who has warned us.
When I read of the people who ‘stopped their ears’ upon hearing the Word expounded in the first century and how they ‘ran ‘ after trying to ‘kill the messenger’ even as GOD warned an wicked and rebellious people would do despite the patience that GOD has continued to hold back judgment upon a wicked and an evil world in rebellion to His Word and in rejection of His provision of a Savior of His OWN only begotten Son as a substitute for our sin….I cannot help but relate this to how a rebellious child tantrums to get his own way in spite of how what HE may want is deadly to him!
Today people are being led to regard the Bible as nothing more than an outdated book with antiquated ideas even as the consequences of living by a ‘new paradigm’ is proving to be disastrous.
As I began to write this I was observing my husband’s adamant effort to ‘build a house…’ a ‘home’ that is illegitimate for the purpose of having a haven to influence the children of his adultery whenever he can get them . He thinks this is sufficient to guarantee the outcome of their lives by offering them this ‘false’ FORM of family and life based upon his desire to ‘do right’ and in accordance with the Humanist form of “family’ that is abounding now in all kinds of perversions.
God is the one who ‘invented’ marriage and nothing HE has made is without a distinct purpose to glorify Himself and to provide and protect the children for becoming a ‘godly seed’, trained up by the fathers to respect GOD and His Words.
The world has turned drastically away from GOD with all kinds of ‘forms’ of family being lauded while the God of the Bible and His ways are being attacked as never before.
People who claim Christ remain in many ways ignorant of what the Bible and GOD’S intentions are because many churches are being persuaded that they do not need to heed the Bible in terms of Doctrine, but are being positioned to become the NEW religious body which in it’s agreement to live by feelings and experiences and ignore the scriptures as the Word of GOD
The “foundation” being doctrine based upon the Apostles and prophets as scriptures prove are those who are now dead , having been first as any foundation for a building would be completed first …all scripture GOD BREATHED and is PROFITABLE FOR DOCTRINE….
How skewed the ‘foundations’ of many lives and churches are becoming due to being persuaded by stealthy ministers of darkness who have taken up the pulpits and literature of the day to turn people from those precious pages of truth!
Today many generations now have been led to have a weak view of the scriptures if any regard at all. Still if one has become a child of GOD THROUGH THE KNOWLEDGE of the Lord and being born again of His spirit by way of the incorruptible seed which is HIS WORD received and believed…then they are what scripture says is ‘a child of GOD†.
The humanists calls all men ‘brothers’ and all people’ children of GOD ‘ yet Jesus Christ has a different understanding.
Matt 12: 48 But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren?
49 And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren!
50 For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.
When Jesus came the religious of that day were identifying their ‘brotherhood’ with their fleshly genealogy. Today the idea of the ‘brotherhood of man’ is based upon ideology that opposes the Father’s own definition of who are HIS children.
In truth all born after the fall are born of the ‘image of Adam’ which brings about death . Jesus Christ is the ‘second Adam’ by understanding scripture to say we need to be ‘born again’ not of the flesh but of the spirit of GOD which comes about was we believe and receive HIS WORD which testifies of Him.
The free will of man is still in play as men are given opportunity to seek GOD , who has promised if we will and then continue to allow His Word to direct our thoughts which will result in actions if we obey them our lives will be ‘transformed’ as we do so.
Those born again who ignore the command to study the Word and rightly divide it daily will find themselves with little to work with in making decisions based upon the Word and Will of GOD as we have been given.
The result of sinful choices is still disaster no matter how sincerely one may claim to believe IN God. Jesus told us that the ‘devils believe IN God and tremble’ They do not obey God by believing GOD and what HE has set forth which is TRUTH and is the solid basis for ‘building a house’
All effort to try to influence people for ‘good’ apart from what is in line with the whole testimony of God will fail in that effort.
It is recorded in the Old and New Testament many examples of people going about doing what is ‘right in their own eyes’ and the various consequences that occur.
God would not be true to His own character and word if it were any other way. He will not function according to man’s fleshly desires and whims. Man will not prosper in his efforts to establish life upon anything or anyone other than Jesus Christ.
So any desire to protect the children of adultery while insisting that he has no need to keep his marriage covenant vows will have futile results. Though many appear to ‘prosper’ due to the god of this world laying off them and continuing to ‘reward’ their efforts …sooner or later the structure of that life built upon ‘sand’ will fall.
It may take a while but even if it appears to be going along fine , if those in that way of living life apart from God never see their need for the Savior and never seek to know GOD they will find themselves in even a worse state when judgment time comes.
2 Peter 3: 9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
Yet there IS a DAY coming wherein GOD will judge those who have rejected His Word. All of what they have done as independent of Him will be examined and tested by fire. Those who are HIS having been born again but in rebellion and disobedient will have little that will survive this judgment. Those who have rejected the Savior outright will be cast down into the lake of fire.
Man has been given a lifespan in which time span he will prove his desire to know GOD or his desire to live by his own fleshly fallen will. The latter decision is allowed even as GOD will provide many many opportunities for a person to hear His Word and come out of the darkness of the ignorance of the state fallen man is in.
Today many who say they believe in God do not follow after the need to seek Him. Many are persuaded that GOD is in everything and everyone. Many do not believe there is a God or a devil. They are ignorant of the things GOD has provided for us to NOT be ignorant of and has commanded us to seek Him . He has promised that IF a person would seek Him they will find Him.
Heb 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
Jesus Christ warned us that there is a GREAT opposition, the devil and as the devil took the domain of the earth by deception and stealth from Adam who had been ordained to be the ‘keeper’ of it , ever since man who has been born into the dark and fallen world has been subjected to the effort of the devil , aka the ‘god of this world’ to turn him from seeking after the God who is the Creator.
Every false teaching and science ‘falsely so called’ is exposed by way of our willingness to be taught by the Word of GOD , the Bible. It is confirmed by infallible witnesses found throughout it’s content and seen all around those who ‘put on the lens of truth it provides’
It tells us of the truth of our state. We need the solid Rock of Jesus Christ who IS the WORD of GOD to learn all we need for life and godliness.
Matt 7: 24 Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:
25 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.
26 And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:
27 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.
It is not just for MY sake and our children that my husband should take heed to the Lord’s ORDER of jurisdiction but it is ultimately for the Lord’s sake . My husband thinks that now as he reads his Bible that his effort to raise those children up to learn and know God will produce what he wants to feel is ‘good’ . The problem I see from scripture is that his effort is based upon his own feelings and ideas. His actions demonstrate a denial of the need to keep his word to God in the area of our marriage vows.
In truth his actions are demonstrating that as long as someone does ‘good’ in the eyes of the world and culture that he is good.
God has set forth His standard for what is ‘good’ . It is Himself . Along with that He has set the rules for what constitutes marriage and family.
Today many people are led to believe that there are no consequences to doing what they want to do and then justifying it by way of some kind of rational. We see countless ‘casualties ‘ of what has been the result of blended families that resulted from marriages of people who have not had biblical ‘reason’ to divorce their first spouses which amounts to what the Lord defines as STILL living in adultery.
Blended families brought together which are not from divorces which have occurred from adultery having occurred or death, is in defiance of the will of GOD. Children have been solicited to agree to the normalizing of such arrangements and now we see a whole culture wherein the value of marriage has been all but destroyed and in it’s place are a mirage of ‘forms’ of marriage and family which are NOT .
Children do not learn as much from what we SAY as by what we DO. My husband is putting forth an example of what a man is, what a husband is, what a father is before children of his adultery AND our own by way of having abandoned his marriage duties with the exception of support of our financial needs. This too has been a ‘loss’ in terms of maintaining our home and all of the physical areas to keep it in good condition.
His ‘stealing’ of time , energy, and all ‘resources’ promised in his marriage vows has really STOLEN what GOD has designed to grow a man by way of the commands to MEN in how they are to live and in marriage how they must treat their wives with preference above all others . it is a reflection of the honor GOD demands for Himself not just for His own ‘ego’ but because in this order there is protection, and provision in all areas of life…heart, soul , mind, and strength.
My husband struggles under the weight of all of these responsibilities as he wants to appear to be a ‘good man’ but he is losing on all fronts. His pride and resistance to the way GOD has commanded and provided for a man to learn and live is bringing forth weak and inconsistent ‘results ‘ in every aspect of his life and thus effecting the lives of all he ‘cares’ about.
Though he has begun to read his Bible he is still in a state of resistance to the FIRST aspect of our relationship with GOD which is ‘repentance’ …a change of mind due to a change of heart.
In all of his decisions he is the one deciding what is ‘good and acceptable’ in opposition to what God’s Word counsels those who do desire to be pleasing unto Him.
Living in such a way is draining him of all of the resources that are needed to do the very things he wants to achieve.
I have been learning the truth that MAN …the gender specific man designed by GOD is indeed accountable in many ways women and children are not. This is because man is given the privilege to ‘represent ‘ Christ in marriage as the ‘head’ which is not an ‘overlord’ but is by definition’ one who goes before’ as in setting an example for those who are in his jurisdiction to follow.
It is indeed a huge responsibility which Satan has been pretty effective in convincing men that it is ‘too hard’ and ‘they deserve to please themselves’ both ideas are refuted and denied by God’s commands TO MEN.
The effort to destroy gender distinction is only one of the main ‘battle fronts’ against the created order of GOD with destruction of souls in mind.
Everything in our culture as in the world is upside down and backwards and it is only through an intentional effort to study the scriptures a 2 Tim 2 has recorded God’s heart for us that we learn over time how messed up things are and how God will set everything aright eventually but can and will right now in the life of one who is willing to submit to His Words and will.
James 4: James 4 King James Version (KJV)
4 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?
2 Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.
3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.
4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.
5 Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy?
6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.
7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.
9 Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness.
10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.
There is a posture of “humility†which is nothing more than a pretending , an appearance of face and possibly bodily position…all of which MAY be an outward indication of the effort to submit to an authority BUT it is not a guarantee of a true heart of humility nor that the authority one submits to is God’s intention.
To submit truly it is a condition of the heart that results in obedience. Obedience not feigned but out of an acknowledgment of God’s right and character which has proven to be true, reliable, and excellent.
Anything other than this recognition will not serve God nor our own decisions well and the outcome will be disappointing in the least and destructive at length if we will not ‘turn from our own ways’ to submit and follow the Lord who is THE way, The Truth and The life in all that we need and encounter.
oops! Double post …sorry!