A tough question I recently considered that you may find yourself dealing with is “What is the connection between adultery and thievery?” This is one of those items that’s uncomfortable, but necessary to consider.
Surprisingly, the two behaviors share much in common.
-Both are carried out in secrecy. In each case, the person doing the undesirable action hides what occurred.
-Both are flagrantly violate boundaries.
-Each shows a disregard for other people. In each case, they are often done more often at night than during the day.
I suspect that if you accused a cheater of being a thief or a thief of cheating, you would get some strange looks and a denial of the other action.
They may say “I only cheated!” or “I steal, I don’t cheat!” Although there may be denials, when you look closer, similarities are there as well.
In each case, boundaries have been violated. There are also clear loyalty concerns. Their loyalty to themselves or other relationships take priority over their loyalties to the victim.
It’s not by accident that when your spouse cheats on you, there is a sense of being ‘violated’ and ‘betrayed’. Adultery carries with it the whole stigma of betrayal and victimhood.
When you’re the victim of a thief, you feel betrayed as well as violated.
The thief took something that didn’t belong to them. The cheater also took something that didn’t belong to them. Both use lying, hiding or disguising as ways of concealing what they did.
The ugly connection between these two behaviors is unsettling, in the sense that when your spouse cheats on you, they are likely stealing money as well.
Cheaters often have to finance their affairs. Although your money may be in a joint account, they will have to ‘take’ some of it to continue their cheating. Keeping up lovers and dating them takes money.
Although it’s much easier discovering cheating on a phone, it can also be found by examining the finances as well.
The theologian Oswald Chambers made the observation that you can tell what is really important to a person by how they spend their time and money.
Cheaters spend money on what’s important to them. The longer the affair goes on, the more money is spent. The average amount spent on an affair is $2664.00 .
To some, this may be a large sum, to others it is a pittance. When most families in America could not come up with $1000.00 cash in the event of an emergency, it becomes clear that affairs are a luxury expense.
You will come up with money for what is important to you, as will the cheater.
Where do you think the extra money to keep up the adultery comes from? Given that cheaters are not known for thinking ahead, it is unlikely that they saved up for their peccadillo.
In all likelihood, they were siphoning off family funds for their adventures, and it is unlikely that they asked your permission before doing so.
So, the connection between cheating and stealing may be stronger than you ever imagined. There may be more connection than you feel comfortable considering. I suspect that out of your own denial, you may have even not wanted to consider this connection.
When you consider this connection and what an affair cost, it may have you angry. You may be furious at suddenly realizing that you were cheated on AND stolen from.
Someone stole your spouse, stole their love and affections. It was no big deal for the cheater to steal some money on top of that. It was just one more encroachment and violation of your boundaries.
With greater frequency, there are articles on financial infidelity. This is not accidental or a new found connection. When they cheat on you sexually, they’ll likely cheat on you financially as well.
Are you angry enough to do something about it? The cost of the Affair Recovery Workshop is much less than the affair, removes the obstacles keeping the two of you apart and helps prevent future relationship issues as well.
You may be one of those that will have to stay angry for a while before you take action. Each day you delay is another day that you and your spouse are either drifting further apart or taking steps of healing your relationship.
Best Regards,
Jeff
